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michelle @_BurnsWhenIPee

my garbage https://t.co/rAUWYriIyu boston Joined October 2016
  • Tweets
    15K
  • Followers
    15K
  • Following
    4K
  • Likes
    28K
michelle retweeted
Noorthevirgo Profile Picture

Noor ✭ @Noorthevirgo

2 years ago

It's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

michelle retweeted
MomOnFire Profile Picture

Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire

10 years ago

You'd be surprised by how much effort goes into my mediocrity.

michelle retweeted
citehchris Profile Picture

Chris @citehchris

2 years ago

sorry a man let you down again have you tried letting a follower hit

michelle retweeted
citehchris Profile Picture

Chris @citehchris

2 years ago

is he hot or is he just funny and weighs over 200 pounds

michelle retweeted
citehchris Profile Picture

Chris @citehchris

2 years ago

her being nice to you doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you bro she likely has far more sinister plans for you

michelle retweeted
citehchris Profile Picture

Chris @citehchris

2 years ago

i hope us having sex didn’t give you the wrong impression that i like you

michelle retweeted
gbergan Profile Picture

A Dad Influence @gbergan

3 years ago

If I ever have a knee replacement I hope they use flamingo knees so it will be easier to put my socks on.

michelle retweeted
ElyKreimendahl Profile Picture

ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl

3 years ago

parenting classes should focus less on diapers and more on what to do when you’re sad but still have to pretend to be a tugboat

michelle retweeted
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Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan

3 years ago

"Dollar Store Thor" is by far the best description of Kevin Sorbo I've found.

michelle retweeted
freshhel Profile Picture

helena riley @freshhel

3 years ago

(being manipulated) Yayyyyyyyy

michelle retweeted
justagonegirl Profile Picture

just a girl named karma @justagonegirl

3 years ago

*obligatory sundress tweet*

michelle retweeted
justagonegirl Profile Picture

just a girl named karma @justagonegirl

3 years ago

if you too had to suffer a little man with a little penis but a giant ego, you may be entitled to compensation.

michelle retweeted
OfficeofSteve Profile Picture

Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve

3 years ago

The speculum, the shoe horn for the pap smear world

michelle retweeted
thistallawkgirl Profile Picture

Marie Connor @thistallawkgirl

3 years ago

Not until you return your haircut to its rightful owners, mid-90s power lesbians.

ksorbs Profile Picture

Kevin Sorbo @ksorbs

3 years ago

Not until you return your haircut to its rightful owners, mid-90s power lesbians.

michelle retweeted
_RobertSchultz Profile Picture

Robert Schultz @_RobertSchultz

3 years ago

i mentioned that my parents have been married 40 years and my gf was like "wow, i wonder what it would be like to love someone for 40 years" and it's like, just to be clear, my parents wouldn't know

michelle retweeted
OfficeofSteve Profile Picture

Stefan Urquelle @OfficeofSteve

3 years ago

While sleeping on an air mattress, you will go through every human emotion

michelle retweeted
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Carmella Cannoli @piccolobutt

3 years ago

A boyfriend sounds nice because he’d go home.

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