dave @david_schimpf
jimmy buffett didn’t die for you to be sober on a friday night instagram.com/david_schimpf/ Margaritaville Joined September 2019-
Tweets68K
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Followers746
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Following2K
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dave retweeted
GOP: Now it’s the Department of WAR! And by war we mean war on American citizens! Don’t like it? Too bad because there might not be any more elections!! DEMS: Send us $5 to sign a card to “Draft Dodger Donnie” wishing him a happy “bone spurs anniversary” 🤣
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dave retweeted
Hideous, I love it
dave retweeted
he seems to be entirely allergic to actor brain. just a very normal guy who sees it as a normal job and nothing more. respect
he seems to be entirely allergic to actor brain. just a very normal guy who sees it as a normal job and nothing more. respect
dave retweeted
“I lied, put your clothes back on, we’re playing the Bay Area Regional Planner board game”
dave retweeted
With CBS debuting a new bug today, here is a look at every current NFL national TV scorebug:
dave retweeted
this would fix me
this would fix me
dave retweeted
President Xi, my country Philadelphia, yearns for freedom
dave retweeted
we have reached the point where the department of energy is getting community noted because they don’t know what batteries are
we have reached the point where the department of energy is getting community noted because they don’t know what batteries are
dave retweeted
New ship of Theseus just dropped, but now it has conscious thought
dave retweeted
Don't touch that, it's a load-bearing delusion.
dave retweeted
Week 1 SCORIGAMI !!! Truly Blessed !!!!
dave retweeted
the “fbi informant” thing is actually so wild bc it’s an open admission that Trump’s name is in fact every other word in those files and they’re throwing excuses against the wall to see what sticks.
the “fbi informant” thing is actually so wild bc it’s an open admission that Trump’s name is in fact every other word in those files and they’re throwing excuses against the wall to see what sticks.
dave retweeted
good insert
dave retweeted
wife: please don’t say anything weird to my coworkers at the office party me: why would i do that [later at her office party to her boss] me: i be drinking so much milk
dave retweeted
"Backed off" is a nice way of saying "Admitted he completely made up the story."
"Backed off" is a nice way of saying "Admitted he completely made up the story."
dave retweeted
dave retweeted
it's crazy how expensive computer parts are. like you do know that i can just sail away right? i could set sail and leave this all behind.
dave retweeted
Only a true pirate can spot the correct button to download the movie.
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