ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

Explaining employer benefits by day, explaining myself the rest of the time. I live inside the Internet, basically. jellyvision.com Chicago, IL Joined January 2012

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Pig wearing new hat today! Different than cowboy hat! Very fun, love to have pig!

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Gonna try to go to Fyre Festival this year, I hope they cleared up all the big issues and we can all just relax and enjoy some fine sandwiches.

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Everybody keeps offering me "finishing sauces"

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Want to create your very own superhero? Here's how: put a cape on a lizard, then I don't really know figure out the rest on your own.

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

This was a bad idea his hooves busted up the keyboard really bad, sorry to end this early it's just...keyboards are really expensive (I have a mechanical keyboard like a hacker, they're like $200).

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

fasd afsd932322 676hjuybbnjooooooo

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Promised my pet pig I'd let him do a "Twitter takeover" so here we go: the rest of the day is just gonna be my pig straight up Tweeting his thoughts. I won't be helping him type, just leaving him with the keyboard and letting him have at it. See you tomorrow, Twitter!

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Someone emailed me a challenge to eat 100 bugs today. Well guess what, mom: challenge accepted

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

The saddest 6 word short story you'll ever read: "Hot dog on sale how many"

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

jerry orbach net worth

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Hot foraging tip: Chanterelle season is in full swing, baby! Just watch out for those poisonous Chanterelle lookalikes. The way you can identify them is that they look exactly like Chanterelles except they're poisonous! #yolo

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Checked after my tweet yesterday and there's a real life Potato World in Canada, once again proving my theory that Canada is obsessed with potatoes: potatoworld.ca

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Tater tots are the raspberries of the potato world.

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

Odd that as the humidity approaches that of standing in my shower, I do not smell better.

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

In lieu of a photo I used a neural network to generate a realistic photo of my new pig based on words that describe him like "Happy," "with sunglasses," "cowboy hat," and "isolated on white."

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

I keep trying to take a photo of my new pig but that thing bolts to another room every time it sees a camera. Pig and I are very similar in this way.

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ALEX @ALEXOffTheClock

4 years ago

To clarify, my mom could afford to buy a pig, she just wasn't willing to commit to the risk. Pig ownership isn't a simple thing, this isn't some common "dog" or "boa constrictor."