Christopher @Assimilatethis

Acupuncturist, Sports Massage therapist and myofascial release specialist (soon). Kylie Minogue replied to a tweet of mine once. Trekkie 🖖🏻 Bradford, City of Culture 2025 Joined February 2009

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

4 days ago

My nephew just described Todmorden as “Hebden Bridge but straight”

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

2 months ago

Just search for Leeds Pride on Facebook. 😂

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

2 months ago

Currently explaining why @robynkonichiwa is the best pop star we have ever had. I’ve shown three videos and she is convinced.

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

2 months ago

Watching Scissor Sisters at Glastonbury has made me VERY sorry I said know to going to see them. I had a lot on that weekend. Why why why? They were ACE

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I’m at a party, you know the kind where there are kids with children and a queue at the bar? I just did the rap from Rhythm is a Dancer to rapturous applause. I’m serious as cancer when I say than is a dancer. Bo

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

3 months ago

Thing you overhear in the beer garden… “And there were three massive spunk stains on the bed sheets, we had to throw them away. I wasn’t washing those bastards! I was a bit jealous to be fair.”

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

3 months ago

I wonder if the American gays are getting flooded with Kim Woodburn videos today. If they’ve seen Drag Race they’ll appreciate her, I hope Vivienne welcomed her with a “you silly girl, don’t start with me”

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

3 months ago

It’s dead easy to make small talk in this pub. All you have to say is “how’s your knees?”

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

3 months ago

The phone system I use for work is American and it uses the 12 hour clock, but displayed like the 24 hour clock with PM at the end. I keep thinking people are taking calls at 4am. 04:00 PM looks weird

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

4 months ago

Eurovision and Kylie in the same week, and it’s sunny too. What a time to be alive

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

4 months ago

The list of rules for our Airbnb in Manchester read like frigging magna carta

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

4 months ago

I hope this lady is having a great day.

Capt Kyle @CaptKylePatriot

4 months ago

I hope this lady is having a great day.

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

5 months ago

Loving Daredevil Born Again

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

5 months ago

I don’t feel that “Stop The Bus I Want A Wee Wee” was an appropriate first hymn for Martin’s funeral. #EastEnders

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

6 months ago

Still thinking about last night’s funky dreams. I might have a nap and see what happens.

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

6 months ago

I’ve had some bonkers dreams this last few days My favourite band at a festival where you had to walk badly down a cliff. A dead friend was there dancing away. There was a fraud do with returning empty dvd cases and everyone around me was involved, but I had been oblivious.

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

6 months ago

My friend has been provided a Tesla through work. She’s called it “dickhead” on her phone.

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Christopher @Assimilatethis

6 months ago

My local fish and chip shop diva is back from her unexplained absence. I mentioned I hadn’t seen her for a while, she screwed up her face and said “WHAT???” - diva thinks she’s Princess Margaret.