EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

Dad who loves to write in his "free" time. See my book: https://t.co/PX6MotsKr9 medium.com/@BennettEmpty Joined June 2019

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

3 months ago

My 5 yo niece: Uncle Empty, why does your watch have a clock on it? Me:…i feel so old…

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

4 months ago

Here is a poem explaining why I don’t write as much poetry anymore #poetrycommunity #Poem medium.com/literally-lite…

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

4 months ago

*10 seconds before grilling was invented* Guy: Cooking would be more fun if I was also getting sunburnt

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

4 months ago

Maybe this is why I hate sleeping. #poetry medium.com/blueinsight/mi…

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

5 months ago

My 4 yo: Dad, what happens when you die… Me: uh, well 4 yo:…in Minecraft? Me: Oh thank goodness.

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

6 months ago

Someone asked my 8 yo what he wants to be when he grows up and he said, “A dad” Me: 🥰

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Glen O'Humeral @HumeralO

6 months ago

It’s actually shocking how little meteorologists talk about meteors

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Them: kit kats that are broken at the factory are crushed and mixed into new kit kats. So, its possible that your kit kat contains part of the first one. Me: when my bar of soap gets small i squish it onto a new bar. I could be washing with the same bar of soap for 10 years.

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

6 months ago

Ms. Frizzle: Okay Explorers! We are in the left anterior descending artery, also known as “The Widowmaker”! Ralphie: why is that? Ms. Frizzle *pulls the e-brake, and drifts the bus sideways*

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

9 months ago

Nature is healing

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

9 months ago

Why was Aang from Avatar so good at cooking? Because he was an Air Friar #ATLA

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

10 months ago

My toxic trait is asking “Is this still available” on Facebook Marketplace, and then never saying anything again.

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

10 months ago

If your “Great Gatsby Themed Party” doesn’t include vehicular manslaughter and someone getting shot in a pool then you really just had a “1920s Themed Party”.

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

10 months ago

There is something i’m supposed to remember today. Could anyone remind me what it is? #RememberRemember

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molly ૮ ^ﻌ^ა @derelictvessel

10 months ago

couples costume idea:

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

10 months ago

Monkeys have already typed Shakespeare! Humans are monkeys and we have already done it!! You buffoons! You absolute candlesticks!

BBC News (UK) @BBCNews

10 months ago

Monkeys have already typed Shakespeare! Humans are monkeys and we have already done it!! You buffoons! You absolute candlesticks!

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EmptyBee @BennettEmpty

10 months ago

When i worked in medicine you’d be shocked how many times i was told by attending physicians that I just needed ONE HOUR A WEEK with my family. I was like “Dude, thats less than 10 minutes a day with my kids! I’m not cool with that!”