New Yorker Steve Baker Profiles @BrexitNewYorker
Opening lines from New Yorker profiles of Brexit hard man Steve Baker High Wycombe, England Joined April 2019-
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Steve Baker’s suspicion of big government is surpassed only by his desire to be at the heart of it, plotting, organising, making things happen. “Some say I’m an action man,” he says, polishing his rimless bifocals. “I see myself as Batman. I’m in the shadows, saving Britain.”
On 7 August, 2019, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, boarded a Central line train at rush hour. “Can you move down please?” he said. “This is one red line on which I’m willing to budge.”
In early July, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP and prolific lay preacher, gave a sermon at St Michael's Church, Wycombe. “And that is why,” he said, bringing the service to a close, "Jesus – were he alive today – would have sought a technological solution to the backstop.”
Before the EU referendum, the proudest moment of Steve Baker's life was passing his driving test with no minors, one month after his 17th birthday. "6 July 1988," he says, gazing out the window of his conservatory. "Or as I used to call it: Independence Day."
On 25 July, 2019, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, was offered a free cup of tea by Jen Smith, a Brexit-voting owner of a cafe in central Wycombe. “With regret I declined the offer,” he said. “After years agitating for Brexit, the very least I deserve is a bacon sandwich.”
It’s a bright day in Wycombe and Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, is addressing a room full of local Tory activists. “I love the BBC,” he declares, somewhat unexpectedly. The room is silent. “I love Brexit, my wife Beth, and Christ our lord.” Everyone cheers.
On 3 May, 2019, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, opened his fridge. “I only hate two types of people,” he said, scanning the shelves for a Muller Corner. “Communists. Fly-tippers. And people who can’t count.” He turned, yoghurt in hand, and winked.
On 15 June, 2019, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, visited High Wycombe Warriors Fight and Fitness gym for a day of self-defence training. "The threat from women peacefully protesting climate change left me with no choice," he said, strapping in his full-face headguard.
Steve Baker was at his standing desk reading headlines about Rory Stewart when he was called by an unknown number. “Please be Mi6, please be Mi6,” he muttered, crossing his fingers. “Hello Mr Baker, your subscription to Military History Monthly has—” He slammed the phone down.
On an overcast day in April, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, visited Buckinghamshire Harriers Skydiving Club. “Michael isn’t the only one who likes getting high, you know,” he said, buckling his helmet.
Thank you to my editor @Scram_Sam for indulging my totally unironic love of the twitter account @BrexitNewYorker. scramnews.com/new-yorker-ste…
Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, is less inclined to climb the greasy pole than to perform reconnaissance on it for two years, fly over it in the dead of night and attempt to land on top of it via parachute.
In the Autumn of 2018, over lunch in Café Rouge, High Wycombe, Steve Baker compared himself to a B-2 Stealth Bomber. "I'm the first radar-resistant politician," he said, through a mouthful of pommes frites. "You don't see me coming. But mark my words, you know when I arrive."
It's a grey day in Wycombe, and Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, is explaining why he would appeal to a Brexit-weary British electorate. "I don't just defy expectations," he says, adjusting his "SB" cufflinks. "I identify them, lock on, launch payload. Expectation destroyed."
On a blazing hot day in Wycombe, Steve Baker, Conservative MP, flung open his garage door. “Treasury Committee in the streets,” he grinned, caressing the exhaust of his BMW motorbike. “All-Party Parliamentary Motorcycling Group in the sheets.”
When Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, turned 47, his friends from the ERG bought him an Empire Axe 2.0 paintball gun with “Steve ‘Never a Rule Taker’ Baker” embossed on the barrel.
On a recent Sunday, at St Andrews Church, High Wycombe, the vicar cleared his throat and said, “please stand.” As the opening chords to Shine Jesus Shine filled the church, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, whispered into his wife Beth’s ear, “I will.”
While courting his wife Beth, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, laid out arguments for their compatability in a 17 page dossier entitled "The Bodmin Compromise".
On 23 May, 2019, Steve Baker tried something new. "What do we want?" he whispered into his bathroom mirror. "Steve Baker MSc Computer Science and chartered Aerospace Engineer for leader. When do we want it?" No longer whispering, he said: "NOW!"
On 2 May, 2019, Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, gave a young aide a lesson on military strategy. "Remember, war isn’t just about these—" In his hand was the .50 cal bullet he uses as a paperweight. "It’s also about this—" Smiling, he drummed a tight fist against his heart.
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It’s a bright day in Wycombe and Steve Baker, the Conservative MP, is addressing a room full of local Tory activists. “I love the BBC,” he declares, somewhat unexpectedly. The room is silent. “I love Brexit, my wife Beth, and Christ our lord.” Everyone cheers.
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