@CSMFHT Ireland: the ancient, magical denizens of the island live in this random bush.
@CSMFHT Egyptians: "So there's this boat that goes thru the river in the shadow realm and you get to go there when you're a bird with a dude head and then after that there's a courtroom and after the courtroom it's really just more of the same we have here but like, better and forever."
@CSMFHT Travellers: That hill looks pretty small all things considered, have you ever gone up to check? GREEKS: *sweating*
@CSMFHT Greek mythology: And after the music contest, Apollon hanged the satyr at a tree and skinned him. Norse mythology: And after the feet beauty contest, Loki bound a goat's beard at his testicles and made a tug war with the goat to make an ice giantess laugh.
@CSMFHT Aztecs: So the world is a product of a fucking cosmic interdimensional croc who was killed by Quetzalcoatl and everything just fucking formed after it's blood pool
@CSMFHT Rick Riordan: and they're both right
@CSMFHT Greek merchants c. 550 BCE: hey so there are some people on asia conquering ionia, they are called the parsans? persians? Greek mythology: lol yeah perseus had a kid which we totally aren't making up on the spot Xerxes later: uh... sure, we totally are related to your godking
@CSMFHT Tolkien: they raised a ton of mountains around the hill but that wasn’t enough so then the whole thing had to be removed from the world and you can’t get there without a special boat
@CSMFHT @P0pH3r3t1c Acheron, one of the five rivers around Hades, was a real river in Epirus So canonically the Greeks thought the five hardships on the way to Hades were *woe *forgetting *fire *honour *Albania
@CSMFHT No they don't, they live on THE Mt. Olympus...on Mars. It's true
@CSMFHT Semitic cultures: our gods live behind this curtain inside this beautiful temple we have raised in his honor, give us your finest slaughtered calf and you will be blessed.
@CSMFHT Mapuche Mythology: The World was created from a fight between a human-hating water snake and a human-loving land snake; one raised the water level over and over again, the other did so with the land. The humans who drowned became fish, those in the mountains got burned by the sun
@CSMFHT It's weird that the tallest mountain in the solar system is named after the tallest mountain in Greece, which is only impressively tall if you've never left Europe.
@CSMFHT My favourite Norse mythology story is when Loki gatecrashes a party and roasts everyone there one by one.
@CSMFHT Is it actually just a hill? I really don’t know much about mythology even though I do find it very interesting
@CSMFHT Hey, it's a pretty nice hill at least
@CSMFHT Roman mythology: ayyo that’s kinda cool im gonna rename these very original characters #dontsteal
@CSMFHT slavic mythology: fuck all that anyway
@CSMFHT People: Wait, so where are the gods? Celtic Mythology: They're kinda just like... ~around~
@CSMFHT In the Shadow Lands beyond Asshai, they say there are fields of Ghost Grass, with stalks as pale as milk that glow in the night, murders all other grass. One day, it'll cover everything, and that's the way the world will end.
@CSMFHT Nords: Our god turned into a bird, drank the magic mead of poetry and then expelled it all over the land from all his orifices and the ones who got the mead from his behind became shitty poets. Greeks: Our god turned into piss so he could impregnate a woman once.
@CSMFHT Tolkien: So they were singing...
@CSMFHT Yeah but then the norse ran out of the ideas and when they had to decide who the gods were they just went "idk dude they are all a bunch of funny drunks lmao"
@CSMFHT The difference between living in frozen darkness, and living with a beach and warm waters readily accessible.
@CSMFHT What's funny is that Olympus isn't even that tall of a mountain. You could like... climb up there and check if your were a moderately skilled climber.
@CSMFHT Chinese mythology: yeah them gods live in the clouds.
@CSMFHT But like do you see that hill over there? It's like really big.
@CSMFHT Someone said Albania is a gateway to Hades. Makes sense. The “worst dark lord” to ever “dark lord it up”, fled there and hid after being defeated by a 1 year old. Meanwhile, the 1 year old ended up with a cool tattoo of a lightning bolt and saved the world once more from the guy.
@CSMFHT Also the Greeks: Also our main god in charge of everything is horny AF.
@CSMFHT And that's not even mentioning Ginnungagap, the primordial goatse