Dylan Doetch @DylanDoetch
https://t.co/yBFRwqpblZ Chicago, IL Joined August 2009-
Tweets115
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Followers244
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Following245
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Likes2K
Here’s a short story I wrote for you all. I used only the good notes.🎄 bit.ly/3H56Zk7
Guy who is very deep and smart and good
Guy who has no stories after the pandemic is over
My girlfriend gets a lot of mosquito bites and I get none. She must be like the entree, and I’m like bread. Dont wanna fill up on bread.
I thought all my friends were doing a roast of me for my bday. Turns out it was an intervention :/ i was sitting there in a tux and crown laughing. I feel like an idiot. It wasn’t even my birthday.
Do you think Pitbull is ever like “Mr. Worldwide is my father 🤪...call me Pitbull!”
Never name your dog after a celebrity - because at ANY moment that celebrity could do something terrible. I’ve had to put down three dogs bc of this. 😢
I’m jealous Groucho has an emoji based on him 🥸 I might just try and back into it by always fucking around with carrots 👨🌾
Dylan Doetch retweeted
I miss saying goodbye to my friends at parties
All these Bad Santa movies, and not one Bad Jesus movie??? Sometimes I think we’ve forgotten what this holiday is really about. 😔
Dylan Doetch retweeted
This week on Confronting Demons with Megan Stalter we have one of my faves @DylanDoetch !!! Him and @nickstalter1 were so funny I cried you can’t miss this one babe 🍒
I worked on this video with @old_cannoli and she’s incredibly talented. Links to stream: linktr.ee/Deathlove
hi, i’ve been working on a bunch of new music in quarantine. First songs out on Spotify and Apple and I’d be honored if you checked it out. ok but this twitter account IS still for dumb shit tho. 😎 linktr.ee/Deathlove
.@espn I have stories if you’re listening
Just found this in my old wallet...missing this guy today 💔
Me and my gf doing puzzles in quarantine:
Me to the H&M employees as I walk into the fitting room
For the LAST TIME, my new store (which I have invested all my wife’s savings into) is NOT EMPTY. I am selling SHELVES! The shelves ARE the product!!
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