Anonymous @HowIHateMyJob
I work for a small software development company. This is a collection of the things I say, my coworkers say, and our customers say. Joined December 2012-
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"Theoretically, this could be done. But it really can't be."
Customer: "So your brother lives in Colorado? He can breathe clean air and smoke legal pot."
"I don't want to develop the cure for cancer. I want to sell it."
If the toaster oven is not kept clean the first time he sees that it’s dirty he will throw it in the dumpster. Hope you all understand this.
Customer expects us to be his IT department because he paid for support. "Why not? Free IT dept? A phone call away?"
'My friend named her daughter Shithead (pronounced Shi-theed). If you name your kid pussy I'm not going to pronounce it "p'say."' #goodboss
"I feel like I just saved the company from burning down. Literally. [Idiot coworker] was installing a new toaster oven."
"Do you smell that? That's the biscuit. That's the biscuit that you smell!"
*Plays Thrift Shop.* Coworker: "That's my problem. I haven't heard that in a while!"
Idiot coworker noted the following as a problem. "Copies reboot - Punch software errors. Paste director over." #fatfingeredheshutdownkey
"If you hear a herd of horses running, don't assume it's zebras." #wordsofwisdom
When adding a year to your database, make sure it is 2012.
'We don't have kids, so my wife got some of the more... "gently-used," dog toys for [our boss'] new baby.' #notparents #newborn #dogtoys
"What do you guys call me? The Idiot Whisperer?" #goodboss #neededalaugh
"You can go pound sand for a day, good sir!" - My associate after repeating the same thing to a customer three times. #obstinatecustomer
My SQL script has thrown multiple .NET "system out of memory" errors. This is going to be a long day.
The cleaning crew cleans the dishes. Turns out they've been cleaning them with toilet bowl cleaner...
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