I Predict.... @I__Predict

Ed O'Neill's portrayal of Ted Bundy in Married With Children is one of the poorest character performances of 90's TV. Ted Bundy was a complex character and Ed did not have the gravitas to play a serial killer. Katey Sagal aced the killers wife though.

My 70's avocado bathroom suite has saved me 50 years of decorating bills, and looks cool again. Who's having the last laugh now?

Major Tornado Hits Swansea, UK: First responders report destruction, disease and confused public walking the streets. More to follow. Update: Local police thankful tornado forecast incorrect.

UK Immigration and Crime Debate: Disarray as lack of government metrics leave Starmer scrambling to identify which migrants are best to increase UK crime and poverty.

Rachel Reeves comments on Assad's Toppling: We believe we have finally found a worthy recipient of UK pensioners winter fuel allowance.

Germany's Migration Crisis and Potential EU Exit: Slanty haired, moustachioed short men asked to gather at their nearest brown shirt retailer.

Football Fan Violence in Germany: 79 people injured, including 10 police officers, during fan violence at a local soccer match. Englands manager apologises.

Russia Detains Uzbek Man Over General's Killing in Moscow: Innocent 29-year-old Uzbekistan citizen scheduled for defenestration post confession.

EU Urges Real Support for Kyiv, Not Peace Talks: EU Foreign Policy Chief advises the need to continue just enough support for Russia not to win, for as long as possible.

News: Biden administration backs least bad suicidal fundamentalists in the fall of the Assad regime in Syria.

The UK's answer to climate change: Economic depression, low productivity, low income and low consumption.

Breaking: NHS to offer fat bastards a 2nd arsehole. "We're proud to empower those greedy twats", says Head of Diversity and Inclusion. "Treating the symptoms is a proud tradition of the NHS, it would be abusive and divisive to guide these people into a healthy lifestyle".

UK Gov slated to be first Google quantum chip customer. "Probing the bounds of the current unadulterated Starmer shambles is going to take something with a bit of oomph", said a cabinet insider.

Softbank's next big bet: Funding a reality show where CEOs live like their lowest-paid workers. Outside.

Elon's latest innovation: Edible X posts. Now you can literally eat your words. Market reaction indicates few will take advantage of the feature.

Starmer's new policy: Mandatory optimism. All UK citizens must now believe Brexit was a good idea, or face charges of misaligned thought.

The Donald will be forced to scuttle Putin's Syrian fleet as it drifts out of fuel and supplies. No issue though, he enjoys Russian water sports.

Trump unveils Epstein list in '25; it's just names of people he owes money. Half of Russia, all of Wall Street, and one surprised Elon Musk.

Burberry will refocus on trench coats and scarves. Nothing says 'turnaround plan' like selling items with apocalypse chic.

A hidden moat will be discovered at Windsor Castle. Experts say it's filled with the tears of Brexit voters, but don't worry, Arla will be using it for cow feed.