Inappropriate matt @Inappmatt

Follow @DofPuppets I'll do most stuff there now :)

My wife and I do anal sex all the time. Sorry I spelt that wrong. I mean annual

I have now been informed Tuesday is for tacos. I will move toward a Nacho Thursday.

When I am overlord the following food items will be banned: Corriander 'Watermelon' flavoured candies I will however implement Nacho Tuesday.

I don't know why people think I don't like lesbians. I've seen all their movies.

Want to spice up things in the bedroom? Give her the ol'

Oh is something happening ? youtu.be/TfugCoH1GZE via @YouTube

It was only a few minutes into my organ recital when the audience realized I wasn't playing an Instrument

Have you ever had that dream where you go to school with no pants on? Me neither. And I'm 39. Long story short I need bail money.

Ready to go out. Waiting on daughter. 10mins passes. Everyone out, lock front door. Daughter "Oh wait, I forgot 18 different things I need to take".

Doctor said one block of chocolate a day is fine

I asked the doctor if I could get a copy of my colonoscopy footage so I can superimpose the tardis and overlay Dr who music. Sadly all they take are still photos. This is why we need to fund tech research.

My safe word is Ahhhhhhhh it burns! It buuuuuurrrrnnnnnns.

I sexually identify as an Echidna

Nothing makes you want to suddenly give up on everything you are doing like the first 20% of sawing something.

Why is it called the bird and the bees? Neither of those animals get me horny.

If you make or answer a call in a public restroom it is my sole purpose to try and make as much noise and grunting in the next stall as possible.

Relating to comics as a kid: Spider-Man is so cool As an adult: I wish the Thanos snap was a real thing.

Why did the inventor of underpants ever think white was the smart choice?

It's always great to have a motivational phrase. I, however need to change "When in doubt, whip it out" to something new, the trials on Thursday.