dutch slut @MichaelProblems

Predictably unpredictable. Joined June 2009

Tweets

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231
Following

553
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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 months ago

All theatre educators working between 1995 and 2010 should be rounded up and tried for war crimes.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

a year ago

I would like to live through more precedented times, if possible…

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 years ago

I was just thinking “wow, The Handmaid’s Tale must have really taken a toll on Elis*beth M*ss”, but then I remembered she’s a devout Scientologist and has mashed potatoes for brains.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 years ago

Imagine me not having a hard time. What do you think I would be like?!

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 years ago

Anal sex is a protest!!!!!

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 years ago

I don’t like Chrishell because she’s queer now. She’s queer now because I like her. #SellingSunset

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

2 years ago

I’m sorry to a lot of gworls, but after last night, “Rachel” is officially a slur. #VanderpumpRules

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

The pitch: a Fear Factor style reality show in which I have to put my money where my mouth is and prove that I would actually “die for” all the Bravolebrities I’ve claimed I would.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

If I had someone to tickle my back and tell me I’m pretty once every fiscal quarter, I’m confident I could figure out the rest.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

#SellingTheOC asks the bold, brave, and beautiful question “what if everyone gets a villain edit?”

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

Stay loud on the internet, y’all! You may not get reproductive rights, but we did get old Instagram back!!!

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

If I was on a charcuterie board, I would be a really stinky, nasty, little cheese.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

The movie Jawbreaker, but it’s Meatball, and no one accidentally murders me, I just die alone in my apartment from trying to swallow a whole meatball.

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dutch slut @MichaelProblems

3 years ago

Don’t post pictures of your dad at the beach if you don’t want me to fuck him. It’s that simple.

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It’s so chic when a girlie uses her own wedding photos to wish all her besties a happy birthday for the next 7 years. It says “let’s celebrate your day by throwing it back to a time that was all about me.”