Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

Humorous stories of patients who may have visited but were really not all there... Joined September 2017

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

6 years ago

I'm in school to count blocks on a piece of paper #ECG

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

6 years ago

Forcing the phlebotomy student who was terrified of drawing on the dummy arm to draw my blood 😶

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Patient with no concept of personal space* Pt: You smell good. What are you wearing? Me: Deodorant.

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

I put my life on the line every time I walk into this building. Mostly due to the crazy drivers that don't see me

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Hard drugs should have their own commercials: Cocaine! Turn a good time a great time!

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Offhand NYE comments to patients. "I like to keep my liver working hard" "Oh yes that's so important!"

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

If I had RBF walking in this morning just know it's because it's cold out, and I always look mad

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ER 💩 Magnet, BSN RN CEN @ERshitmagnet

7 years ago

I’m hungover. Getting my TB titer drawn at Labcorp. Wearing a “I will stab you” shirt.

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Pt "Are you a Doctor or a student?" Me " I'm a Phlebotomist! Not exactly near a Doctor's status." Pt "Well both still have to get good grades" 🤔

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

"Wait you've broken your nose 3 times?" "Believe it or not I am not naturally ugly" 😂

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Pt "..so anyways I've been holding my pee for so long and I'm about to burst. Hey you look like you're 12! You'll thank me when you're 35!" Well thanks Karen I'm only 9 years out...

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Coming in for your shift and seeing patients stacked all the way around the corner. Thinking to yourself "I'm going to need something more than caffeine to get through today" 😶

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

"Hey I'm just dropping off pee" OK what's your name "It's Urine" *Awkward silence Well that's a new one

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

"Pt is around the corner and is a slow walker" "Let me know when you see the whites of her eyes"

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

The best part of my job location is the mutual understanding of my "assigned" parking spot

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

My doctor has an outstanding order for me! 😒

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Oddest comment from a patient today. Having his blood drawn and told me to "Strike true." Ok Gandalf...

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

People always ask me how I'm so positive and outgoing at work. It's called day-drinking Deborah!

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

I wouldn't say that I'm a Yes-man. But I am an alrighty and sure thing-man

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Staff Infection @NotAPatientLab

7 years ago

Phlebotomy is ten percent luck Twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure Fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember to verify their name