Opta Fibs @OptaFibs
Official Twitter feed of Opta Fibs. 0% football truth, 110% of the time. Buffoon. Joined March 2014-
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Genius
Genius
Love Island to declare independence - newsbiscuit.com/2018/06/24/lov…
0. Decisions that @AntoGriezmann is able to make. He is actually violently allergic to making them and employs a full time decision analyst (a cat named Henry) to make them for him. Um.
5. The number of goals scored by Russia against Saudi Arabia is the same number of testicles that Vladimir Putin is reported to have. Packing.
200,000,000 - Honduras is made up of exactly 200,000,000 blue lego pieces. They are constitutionally not allowed to use anymore. Brick.
20,000 - A little known Brazilian by-law requires tourists to eat 20,000 lbs of beef regardless of length of stay during #WC2014. Creosote.
2 - If Daniel Sturridge scores a second tonight, he’ll celebrate by chasing the Peru players around the pitch in a Vauxhall Corsa. Beep.
12 - This is the 12th #EngvPer game this year. They have been playing the games in secret to decide custody for Paddington Bear. Marmalade.
1 - A lucky England fan will receive a fully working replica of Roy Hodgeson’s tongue tonight. The draw is made be the ghost of Hitler. Boo.
11 - Peru come to Wembley with only 11 fit players. The rest of the squad and management are controlled by a team from Sesame Street. Elmo.
2016 - Year when @ManUtd will realise it’s dream and turn Old Trafford into the first motorised ground on wheels in the world. Brrrrrm.
4 - Times that @HullCityTeam have changed their name. They have been The Botherers, The Ants, The Ticks and The Whelks. Tigers.
108 - Years ago that @Official_CPFC were formed. They were originally a group of crystal tumbler appreciators but got very bored. Eagles.
80 - Years in which @whufc_official have tried to develop a cure for the common cold. They are not close but very hopeful. Achoo.
100 - Felix Magath has punished his @FulhamFC players by cancelling their holidays and having their little toes amputated. Harsh.
29 - Times that @AVFCOfficial have auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent. All players are expert jugglers. 30th time lucky. Toss.
1 - @SpursOfficial have a gigantic queen bee living under their pitch which cannot be disturbed lest the entire ground would crumble. Buzz.
2 - @Liverpool will be buried in Stanley Park for their annual hibernation. Brendan Rogers will vomit small birds for them for food. Nest.
7 - @Everton will now gamble Phil Jagielka by putting him on black 7 on the roulette tables with a hope of winning a Vincent Kompany. Lucky.
2015 - The year in which an angry and vengeful @ChelseaFC will rise from their watery grave and march upon New York City. Ominous.
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