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Paul @PaulForOne

Joined April 2009
  • Tweets
    55
  • Followers
    51
  • Following
    380
  • Likes
    0
Paul retweeted
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Will Sennett @Senn_Spud

3 years ago

Guy at the piss store just asked me if this was the poop store. Buddy look around you

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Paul @PaulForOne

2 years ago

⁦@dcwind3⁩ just got triggered by the picture in this headline

Paul retweeted
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Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life

7 years ago

me, to shovel salesman: [at a shovel store] how’s this do with like dirt & stuff? shovel salesman: i’m not gonna bullshit you it’s pretty good

Paul retweeted
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brent @murrman5

8 years ago

"did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no

Paul retweeted
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Daniel Wind @dcwind3

9 years ago

Would somebody please be my friend? Asking for a friend.

Paul retweeted
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chelsea anét @chelseaanet

12 years ago

Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I'm in the bathroom.

Paul retweeted
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Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad

11 years ago

Your honor if it pleases the court, imagine a dog being held over a pool, paddling his legs in the air like he's in the water haha oh man

Paul retweeted
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Daniel Wind @dcwind3

11 years ago

If you're considering naming your kid after yourself, remember: God has a pretty huge ego, and even he didn't name his son "God, Jr."

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Paul @PaulForOne

11 years ago

The spelling of grey is always a gray area.

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Paul @PaulForOne

12 years ago

Snow days are a sad reminder that most people live "non-essential" lives.

Paul retweeted
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deg @degg

12 years ago

the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him

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Paul @PaulForOne

12 years ago

Am I the only one that thinks raccoons are cute and cuddly and OHMGAWWWWDDDNOOOOOOOOO

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Paul @PaulForOne

12 years ago

Hot Tip! Canadian customs agents DO accept the answer "Uhhh...I'm not sure" when your story starts to fall apart!

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Paul @PaulForOne

12 years ago

It's amazing how fast traffic lights are when you're trying to eat a taco.

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Paul @PaulForOne

13 years ago

Why does "heads up!" always mean heads down?

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Paul @PaulForOne

13 years ago

Just thought of an idea for a scary Twilight Zone episode where there existed a world where pizza didn't taste so good. AHHHHHH!

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Paul @PaulForOne

13 years ago

If you have problems with bugs, I think it's a good idea to spray your house with sugar water to see if they fall for the placebo effect.

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