Phil MacCracken @PhilMacCracken
I'm not fat. I'm just big dicked. favstar.fm/users/philmacc… Joined July 2012-
Tweets119
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Followers2K
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Following3K
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Likes1K
Phil MacCracken retweeted
As a nation, let's call a spade a spade and make it official by changing the symbol from a bald eagle to Type 2 Diabetes.
Phil MacCracken retweeted
You're not truly living unless you need to keep spare underwear in your pocket.
Phil MacCracken retweeted
There's just something sexy about the way my gynecologist says, "You need a PROCK-TAH-LOW-JIST... put those forceps down... GET OUT! NURSE!"
Tie Me Up Time Me Down is a great first date movie.
I went to band camp when I was in high school and I never got laid.
I have an online dating profile that even my wife is interested in.
Remember when Judas Priest backwards was exciting?
Phil MacCracken retweeted
If you are female, please stop talking about "Love Actually" this time of year.
This bathroom attendant means this restaurant is really upscale or there's a pervy guy that won't quit talking to me while I shit.
"Speed dating sounds like fun." - no one ever
Phil MacCracken retweeted
Yes, Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned but that was only because Facebook wasn't invented yet.
Phil MacCracken retweeted
I've never understood the term "braining someone" as it refers to hitting them in the head. Wouldn't be "de-braining someone"?
Getting caught masturbating is my worst nightmare.
Deaf people without a speech impediment aren't fooling anyone.
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