Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

Greendale's finest Postman ! 🍺🍺🍺 parody . . . obviously 🙁 #PissedUpPat #PatStats Greendale Joined April 2017

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

4 years ago

I said to the wife - "I was chatting with Ted Glen in the pub last night, and he said that he has shagged every woman on our street except one" She said - "oh . . . I bet it's that stuck-up cow at number 12" 😳

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

9 months ago

This morning I phoned Doctor Gilbertson - I said . . . "Hello Doctor , I think i have an ear infection , and am going deaf" She asked - "can you describe the symptoms ?" I said - "yes Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

3 months ago

🥹 that's my boy 🍻

Julian clifton @JulianClif92118

3 months ago

🥹 that's my boy 🍻

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

3 months ago

"one more parcel to deliver Jess , it says after 12 o'clock on the instructions . . . Sod that , the pub will be open . We will just leave it on Miss Hubbard's Door-step" #PissedUpPat

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

a year ago

"Hello Greendale Primary school ? . . . . My four year old son has been attending Spanish lessons at your after-school club for the last eight weeks and all he can say in Spanish is the word 'Please' . . . . . . . . That's poor for Four isn't it ?"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

8 years ago

The Reverand had his bike stolen, I told him to "read out the 10 commandments at Sunday service and when you get to 'though shall not steal' see who looks shifty" . . . He said "I did , but when I got to 'though shall not commit adultery' - I remembered where I left my bike"

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noob @evilnoob

5 years ago

Postman Pat is a bit different these days...

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

8 years ago

Oh a postcard from Ted from his holiday at a nudist camp - Dear Pat Having a great time, sports day was rather strange as they did the sack race in polythene bags . I was disqualified from the mixed leap-frog for not jumping high enough. Wish you were here Ted.

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

4 months ago

I met Ted this morning and said - "Hello Ted , how did you get on with Doctor Gilbertson yesterday to help you to quit smoking ?" He said - "excellent Pat , She gave me some Nicotine patches . . . I took them home , put one over each eye and I couldn't find my cigarettes"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

4 years ago

" Good Morning Mrs Goggins , is everything OK ? " "No it isn't Pat . . . The Doctor has put me on some sort of steroids and I've started to grow a penis" "Anabolic ?" "No, just a penis Pat"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

6 years ago

Well . . . . That's my recycling bin put out 👍 #PissedUpPat

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

2 years ago

Mrs Goggins said- "Good morning Pat, you smell very nice" I said - "its my aftershave , its a new one called 'come to me'. " She took another sniff and said - "well, it doesn't smell like cum to me"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

a year ago

Yesterday there was a note on Rev Timms door that said 'Pat, if you come to deliver my parcel and I'm not here - please hide in the garden shed' It was four hours before he came home and found me crouched behind his lawnmower.

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

5 years ago

"Bloody stupid wishing-well !!! . . . . . I did NOT wish for a twelve-inch Pianist"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

4 years ago

I saw Reverend Timms, he had found 3 unexploded hand-grenades from WW2 while digging at the Church. He had them in a wheelbarrow and was taking them down to the police Station. I asked - "what if one of them goes off ?" He replied - "I'll tell them that I only found 2"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

5 months ago

#BankHolidayMonday on the piss with Ted Glen and Peter Fogg. 🍻

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

5 months ago

The #PatStats from last night are as follows - 1 bottle of wine helping Rev' Timms clean the church organ 3 pints watching Greenadale F.C. 4 Pints at The Green Dragon 4 baby Guinness 3 whisky chasers 50 pounds lost on the Fruit Machine 7 missed calls from the wife

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

3 years ago

"Right Pat , that's the mole removed from the end of your finger . . . . . . . If it happens again I shall call the RSPCA"

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Postman Pat @PostmanPat__

5 months ago

Today I helped Ted to put some signs up , the second job was new letters above the Post Office. He said - "Send up a letter P, Pat" I said - "we haven't got a 'P' . . . We only have a 'B" He said - "We must've really messed up 'The Greenadale Brick Company' sign earlier"