Rod Paul @RodPaul2012

Deer @meganamram , my constituents have whispered, & are putting the balm to my sphincter on this one. Will you #GiveRodTheNod & support us?

"Rod, when you're plesident, will you take care of gram grams smelly wrinkle?" - Jimly Kirkfleet, age 10. Yes, Jimly. Odious wrinks must go.

Until now, Beyonce's beaver has only come in two flavors. Americones want more flavors. The Rod provides. #BuffettRule

When and if @LOLMintyRomney ever ecoknowledges that there are other pubes in this bushel of a race, he will free himself of Smegma. #UASS

Peace is in the pudding. As next prez, I promise to bring pudding to Africano neghburhuds. Blacks like chocolate pudding... And so does Rod.

Recent poles are showing Americans prefer I drive a stick shift. Fear not. Rod drives stick and always keeps it in 4th gear. #GiveRodTheNod

The American sac is in critical condition. @LOLMintyRomney and @robdelaney cannot feel the sac. Rod has always been close to the wrinkles.

Some say Rod is merely a Metamucil moon man. No need for slurs non-believers. This is a simpole race, for simpole people.

Foreign policy is easy, friends. Take armies out, leave wars there. Leave wars away from the American People's Land. #WarAgainstTheWar

Ernest Hemingway once said, "If you want fish, get a good rod." This camp knows what goes on in the sea. Rod is trained seaman #WhiteManCan

The Jesus Applications are comin in & Rod is happy 2 report that our constituents r primarily 18-57, & love unwrapped burritos#GiveRodTheNod

Pigeon carriers need to be debated. This is a formal Jesus Application Debate Invitation to @LOLMintyRomney will he accept? #GiveRodTheNod

Ah, @LOLMintyRomney has finally decided to give old Rod the Nod. It'll be a Metamucil race to the finish now! #GiveRodTheNod

People have asked me to list my favorites. First off, favorite movies: Jim Carrey's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Bio Dome"

Run for president, they said. It'll be fun, they said. #RodNotTodd2012

If you love Jesus Guns call Joan Goldblatt for Jewish freedom. #GiveRodTheNod

So glad Santorum is gone. That guy was so annoying. More room for me on the tour bus. He always hogged my Ps3.

Big shout out to Funky Trout for agreeing to sang at my Acknowledgration Sarahmony. No slim pickins in the crack. #GiveRodTheNod #2012vote

Mittens only owns six measly firearms. Low caliber. #giveRodthenod #2012election

Mittens Ramney keeps his hamper in his bathroom. We can't trust that. Don't vote for "Stink Hamper" Ramney