Sarcasm Machine @Sarcasm_Machine
Tweeting by @beejangles . Chicago, Illinois Joined June 2012-
Tweets4K
-
Followers79K
-
Following11
-
Likes0
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasnt the right answer.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
"Okay" means youre in the clear. "K" means youre better off not coming home.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the b*tchfit that’s coming.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I dont understand interventions. Whats the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
I just lost my mood ring, I dont know how I feel about that.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Im not a mechanic so I dont know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Erik Ainge @ErikAinge3
86K Followers 4K Following #VFL Host of ‘The Erik Ainge Show’ on @SportsAnimal991 Also work at https://t.co/8mJGr2TOxX Dad 2 Turner, Fallon, Ramsey & Thomas ‘TD’ Ainge @susanmariie is MY WIFE!
LynnBethune @1yl8N010V7B9y
78 Followers 3K Following
DogeVerse Official Su... @retik44
244 Followers 965 Following Welcome to Official @DogeVerse page. Having any issue? Contact us Via DM📩
Lacey Murphy @murphy_lac73530
772 Followers 6K Following
Vladimir Flatley @FlatleyVla85236
99 Followers 4K Following
Eweavawv @Eweavawv86073
33 Followers 981 Following
Uiviruku @Uiviruku137661
31 Followers 1K Following
Awjeeikuin @Awjeeikuin911
27 Followers 1K Following
Berneice Hickle @BerneiceH80424
110 Followers 3K Following
gloomy girl🖤 @gloomygirl519
32 Followers 49 Following
Norwood Tillman @NorwoodTil24207
86 Followers 4K Following
Marvin @MarvinMyersJr
951 Followers 2K Following Married, A dad, Amateur Radio Operator, A.R.E.S. E.C., and Skywarn enthusiast. American Red Cross Volunteer.
Nancy @Nancy8992874606
30 Followers 3K Following
JuanMa Tanque ♫ @JuanmaTanque
129 Followers 467 Following La Paz es interior, el respeto es lo mutuo. - La paz no puede ser un grito en el vacío; debe estar respaldada por ese respeto.
Kyle Jordan @Jorda94939Kyle
20 Followers 106 Following
okello jorem @joremzjoremz
6 Followers 52 Following MBchB scholar, Goal oriented and above all a christian
Sudhindra Rao @umennet
3K Followers 3K Following Social Media | Creator, Observer, Participant, Expert | SM Influencer | Shared screen space with @DeepikaPadukone!! Watch for my #Sarcasm!
ESMAEL BAHERU @EsmaelBaheru
0 Followers 29 Following
K11 @KlevisK11
3 Followers 6 Following
Melissa27 @ShortyM90
0 Followers 16 Following
Mickaela Ludwigs @Callmekay_la
0 Followers 15 Following Behind my innocent face and pouty selfies there’s a wild streak hidden inside
pappapapapaaaa @pappapapapaaaa1
0 Followers 73 Following
Elizabeth D @ElizabethD72941
672 Followers 1K Following MH Advocate , Educator, Soprano , Warrior 4 DJ TRUMP 45-47, “Thy Light And Thy Truth “, Steadfast Christian, And Prayer Warrior ✝️ America 🇺🇸1st, No DM’s
Adam @Adam95390987660
52 Followers 4K Following
Linus Brathake, PhD @Kin_Sstreet
224 Followers 504 Following Simplicity is my ethnicity 👌 Computer💻 Scientist 👨💻 https://t.co/ncSqMNdjLB
Amanda @bsideandlikes
7 Followers 76 Following
d daker @daker85414
4 Followers 85 Following
reine fanomezantsoa @ramcharamfitia
5 Followers 211 Following
Himanshu Pandey @HimanshuPa57451
2 Followers 34 Following
Brian Adams @Kuria_Adams
799 Followers 1K Following Business Development Director l Driving OTC And Strategic Investment At Victus Capital | Previously at Huobi, Paxful & https://t.co/Ft2QTeMroc
Ex Boyfriend 💀 @ExBoyfriend0001
15 Followers 158 Following
Gabriel Rendon @GabrielRen20440
0 Followers 74 Following
Sheheryar @khan_Oslo
23 Followers 659 Following Nothing is permanent in this temporary life 'Change is the law of life. & those who look only to the past or present r certain to miss the future'. J.F. Kennedy
Dinesh Naidu @NaiduNaidu1432
0 Followers 6 Following
Pk D @PkD364087321149
2 Followers 35 Following
Cedric Scroggs @Singularity607
242 Followers 652 Following
pkg @prasan11294332
0 Followers 68 Following
Bdubya @bwelk5
8 Followers 105 Following
Dose Nerd @ADoseOfNerd
77K Followers 12 Following This is an official account of @dose and @OMGFacts
OMGFactsSex @OMGFactsSex
277K Followers 13 Following The World's #1 Fact Source. For more facts, follow: @dose @OMGFacts @OMGFactsCelebs @OMGFactsAnimals @OMGFactsSports @OMGFactsTech
Dose Hollywood @DoseOfHollywood
246K Followers 12 Following This is an official account of @dose and @OMGFacts.
Dose Sports @ADoseOfSports
161K Followers 7 Following This is an official account of @dose and @OMGFacts
Dose Team @DoseTeam
20K Followers 178 Following Dose is a modern market research solution that activates social media to deliver deep behavioral insights.
Dose Animals @DoseofAnimals
216K Followers 12 Following This is an official account of @dose and @OMGFacts.
Grumpy Cat @__GrumpyCat
117K Followers 11 Following
One Does Not Simply @Stunning_Nature
30K Followers 11 FollowingTrends for United States
You might like
