Selfish Coward @Selfish_Coward
"I want to smoke but without the o and the e, now read it backwards."// she/her The Netherlands Joined April 2021-
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In a few weeks I’ll finally have my intake for psychological help. I’m scared as fucked. What if they send me away again. What if they don’t wanna help me. I know I’m better than a while ago but I still want to improve myself and I can’t do that without help.
I’ve completely lost the person I was 2/3 years ago. I don’t remember a lot of things from that time. Sometimes I just want to call my old friends and talk about everything.
I never feel good enough. I made an eastern brunch but I still feel like I should’ve done more.
It’s weird. I finally finished my bachelor's degree, and this Monday I start a new job. I haven’t told my parents about this job yet because I know they don’t agree. I just wished that they would be proud of me.
After two months I’m back at my parents house again. I was really doubting to stay for the night but I can’t wait to leave. I feel so miserable.
At this moment I realised that I missed him and should do something about it. So I messaged him. I can’t believe that I’m in good contact with him again. He now follows me on insta and we even met up a few months ago.
At this moment I realised that I missed him and should do something about it. So I messaged him. I can’t believe that I’m in good contact with him again. He now follows me on insta and we even met up a few months ago.
Last year I had a total of 23 days that I didn’t smoke weed. This year I want to smoke less but I don’t know how. I love getting to bed stoned but I also feel like it’s negatively impacting my life.
She knows I’m for the most part alone this Christmas and that I don’t like this time of the year. She bought me presents for under the tree so I had something to look forward to and cheer me up. Sometimes I wish I could be more like her, being so kind and caring.
I probably have two months left at this place. I need to find something new but it’s so fucking difficult. Going back to my grandfather or uncle just isn’t an option.
The past few days, and the coming days, I see everyone I care about. Sometimes it feels like this is my goodbyetour.
It’s weird to hear from everyone that they are proud of me for doing so well. I don’t feel well at all. The date coming closer and closer makes my head spin.
I haven't seen my parents for more than two months. Today I'm going to see them again and I didn't expect to be this nervous about it.
I feel like such a failure. Writing essays or research reports always came naturally to me but now it's like I've lost it all.
I just can't do this thesis. My head is a complete mess and I don't have any motivation or energy to do anything anymore.
I just have to finish this thesis. Then I showed them I have it in me
The thoughts are getting stronger by the day. I can’t help myself
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i immediately go silent when something upsets or hurts me. it's a coping mechanism i have developed over time. instead of expressing my anger or frustration, i simply withdraw and try to process my emotions in private. ++
I’ve never understood or participated in a ‘situationship’. it seems the situation is always that they don’t like you. at least, not enough to be romantic and intentional. the vagueness and noncommittal energy might work for some people, but I can’t subject myself to that lmao
Aaah look my hair
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