SamP @ShitSamPSays
Joined November 2014-
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Following801
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“Can you imagine playing football at 40 years old??! The hair on that's guys nuts is older than the guys he's playing with" #nfl #oldman
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"Look at my feet. They're pretty. These are my pride and joy."
As my boyfriend and I are leaving the house, he tells us, "Alright, spank it. Spank it hard."
"There's Taylor Swift. She wants me, but then she might write a song about how great I am."
"Come on. Let's put the pony on the donkey! Get the elephant out of the closet!"
Watching the bachelorette: "He's a healer. What the hell is that?"
"I tore him a new one. I had more of his ass in my mouth than he had in his pants."
To the bachelorette crying on TV: "Well you may want to try some makeup, baby..."
"Walt's lookin at me weird like. 'Really Sam?'" #carthaycircle
"You laughin at me because I put my arms up when I pee? What am I supposed to do with my hands? Can't hold that rascal."
"Right now I'd like to be in my swim trunks in a jacuzzi... makin my own bubbles."
"The sack attack is coming! I'm gonna whip my sack out and slide it across your face if you keep crying. The Alpho is here."
"This is chicken and dumplin soup. It don't look so good. It looks like an old girlfriend I had once."
"Put your lips up to this pipe. Whoops! There goes a tootsie roll!"
The difference between when I fart and when you burp is that I ain't asking you to kiss my asshole, but you maybe want me to kiss your lips.
"Put your phone on silent. You can feel the vibration. Just put it between your legs and get a thrill."
Katelynn @k_katelynn24
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voltoch @Voltoch
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