Twips2 @Twips2
I was @TwopTwips' friend. But then he wrapped a bar of soap in a towel and bashed up me legs when I was asleep. I'm also, very occasionally, @doctorcamel. amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/009195… Holywell, Northumberland Joined November 2011-
Tweets3K
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Followers11K
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Following8
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Likes6
I know I’ve mentioned this before but until I die I shall continue to mention the date who jumped out of my car at traffic lights and ran away.
I know I’ve mentioned this before but until I die I shall continue to mention the date who jumped out of my car at traffic lights and ran away.
Me: Can I put a poster up for Stroud Pride? Shop Owner: Sure! That’s for the gays isn’t it? Me: It’s for everyone! Shop Owner: Are you.. Me: ...yes I’m... Shop Owner: Do you know anything about wind chimes? Me: I... Shop Owner: Or is that lesbians?
LEAVE a public toilet as you’d expect to find it by smearing your shit up the walls and pissing on the floor. (via @Woof_the_wolf)
GENTS. If you see a lady who’s upset let her know you’re concerned by asking her if it’s her haircut that’s making her sad. @Bigshirtlesscol
TRICK your wife into thinking the table’s died by simply turning it upside down. (via @simonn52)
CONVINCE PEOPLE you’ve just done 8 years in prison by lighting a cigarette in a pub, and acting surprised at the outcome (via @eddieunwin)
PARENTS. Easily teach your children fractions by getting them to buy your weed. (via @vinharris)
A HOLLOWED OUT French stick is ideal for smuggling dildos into libraries. (via @Theneilegan)
MAKE your own Sunderland head coach by pouring custard and brandy on your penis. (via @mrfavus)
DRUG DEALERS. Improve your users' teeth by adding fluoride to crystal meth. (via @vinharris)
CONVINCE VETS you need to remain off-grid by arriving at their surgery with a gunshot wound and demanding they "patch you up" @eddieunwin
LADS on Tinder. Try using "Hello" as a greeting instead of the usual "can i cum on ur tits". You might get a reply. (via @SteveSparshott)
BEARD-WEARERS. Check no one has made off with your beard by stroking it every 30 seconds or so. (via @SaliBerisha1)
FOOL people into thinking you've been abroad by posting a picture of the rain and saying "Back in good old Blighty - 16c" (via @StooElvin)
CONVINCE people they're wearing a hat by shouting "I like your hat!" at them. (via @bertnews)
SEE people die of anger by getting a dog and naming it Bae. (via @sligboi)
CREATIVELY placed human faeces make ideal & humorous "fake dog poo" (via @Cooombsy)
CONVINCE people you're Greg Rutherford by complaining about your PE kit and jumping in some sand. (via @YPwca)
PRETEND you're in your own first class compartment on a train by sitting in the toilet for the entire journey. (via @IanJonno)
PRETEND you're at Tokyo's Shibuya Junction by looking at a regular pedestrian crossing through a kaleidoscope. (via @nickdaniels)
𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧... @TwopTwips
148K Followers 3K Following Please listen to my awful music by following ‘The Rocket House’ on yer usual music platforms.
GlennyRodge @GlennyRodge
25K Followers 1K Following Screenwriter, comedian, actor, socialist and model. These are words. As are custard, trumpet, wardrobe, trousers and dandelion.
Pundamentalism @Pundamentalism
93K Followers 958 Following Puns don't kill people. Writer. DM for work enquiries.
Craig Deeley 🇪🇺... @craiguito
19K Followers 7K Following I do stand-up and tweet silly things. My podcast Trish of the Day out now, link below.
Marrisha Duffy @duffy_d88220
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JJ @juliannejude99
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emchantress @em_chantress
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Iain McCowie @mccowie_iain
11 Followers 178 Following
Toast and tea @Toastandtea5
43 Followers 593 Following
stu C.O.Y.S @stu90840167
42 Followers 703 Following south stand season ticket holder gilpin 4 match day Guinness
jonw @jwalterc40
198 Followers 673 Following Music, Films, Nottingham Forest, Travel , Photography , Comedy. and other stuff
Arvid Bjerkan @abj001
14 Followers 260 Following Husband, Father, Hunter & Flyfisher, Atheist, Car Enthusiast, Football fan (Man Utd, Barca, RBK), Anglophile, Dropout IT/Project manager now working in Retail
brian freeman @bri638
780 Followers 1K Following Non PC Oap ex pat child of the Gorbals🏴🇬🇧Unionist🇬🇧Royalist 🇬🇧brexit 🇬🇧 , Rangers💙WATP Football,RL, family, enjoy life ,have fun ,GSTK🇬🇧
Nic ormski 🏴�... @HuntJ_Nic31
286 Followers 2K Following Nic’s Bevs Cocktail Bar Est.2020 - check out my YouTube channel - https://t.co/vHE9uGoCKJ
Europotato @Europeotato
12 Followers 33 Following Snark Pancakes and day-old leftover Irritable Casserole. I also have a side dish of Bitter, but that costs an extra $1.43. And don't try to get it for free.
Tina Firthlock @yorkshirepud27
2K Followers 4K Following Mum | Couch Potato | Poet | Writer | Creator of humorous charity book - ‘Tales of a Pandemic from a Couch Potato and Friends’ - https://t.co/YgiKb2AhpU
Wolf @Wolfandstuff
5 Followers 123 Following
Tim McDonald @timmcd15
15 Followers 639 Following
jojothejojo @jojothejojo2
120 Followers 2K Following
Elizabeth @Elizabe78601
8 Followers 421 Following I am an honest heart that's looking for a stable relationship. I understand it is important to lay down lasting foundations for a lasting relationship.
Distantsun @Distantsun2
0 Followers 34 Following
Mark ☕ @MarkTreanor10
653 Followers 2K Following
Carol O'Shea 🇬🇧... @cazzaoshea
1K Followers 4K Following JESUS IS KING ✝️🙌❤️ SEN Mum. Autistic awareness. Lover of British comedy. Most of the time, I'm only joking. Anti-woke! #McCann commenter.
Euan Crawford 🇮�... @euancrawford
176 Followers 2K Following
Kit @kitren2005
14 Followers 447 Following
Jen @shack_jen
4 Followers 97 Following
David Croall @DECroall
20 Followers 211 Following
David Wilson @davidiwilson
14 Followers 636 Following
Claire, Tribe of the ... @Claire_77777
801 Followers 3K Following 💚🤍💜 Adult Human Female, LGB✂️Alphabet mafia. Ban halal and kosher slaughter, NOW! Stop importing 3rd world degenerates.
Nick Rodgers @NickRod53099986
54 Followers 1K Following
Simon @mrbrock76
1K Followers 2K Following West Ham ST holder ⚒. CIMA accountant. Sober since 2011. Love to travel ✈️
Mick Yep @Mickyep
168 Followers 1K Following
ManchestaM1 @ManchestaM1
365 Followers 3K Following Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people Living life in peace..
Ellie P @Pickf0rdEllie
18 Followers 328 Following
ozvaldo knackerston @knackerston
30 Followers 861 Following ex Royal Navy, not as crazy as I used to be
Darryl wilkinson @Darrylwilkins14
6 Followers 183 Following
David @David06065812
4 Followers 82 Following
Bobby Bobson @BoabyBobson
1 Followers 29 Following
Dan 🇵🇸 ¡No pas... @Super_Stringz
230 Followers 3K Following "If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.”
Topper @TopperUK
561 Followers 2K Following Unseen in the background, fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove. CPO.
sam @BlessedWithPace
816 Followers 304 Following Liverpool supporter. Athlete | Wit | Exceptional Mover | Liar
Madgarden 🌧️ @madgarden
18K Followers 2K Following Death Road to CANADA, Punch Quest, EGGNOGG+ etc. https://t.co/aLJbAKmx2F https://t.co/cEjF6IJbYO https://t.co/tsFTDEHttg
Rocketcat Games @rocketcatgames
29K Followers 456 Following New Spiritual Successor to Death Road to Canada coming! Wishlist SPACE DINGUS now and see the trailer: https://t.co/i9ZAA7zfP2 Press kit: https://t.co/oMWZ6jRevQ
tweetbackup @tweetbackup
39K Followers 7K Following Backing up your Twitter data including tweets, followers, following list, favorites, DMs and more. This account is managed by @backupify
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