TwistedHumourz @TwistedHumourz
Welcome to my profile, keep your bullshit to yourself! Under your bed Joined October 2013-
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Following69
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TwistedHumourz retweeted
Lola closed her eyes and whispered, "How about a goodnight kiss?" Bob kissed her on the navel. Surprised, she asked, "Why did you kiss me there?" He answered, "I wanted to see what you'd open first: your eyes or your legs!"
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The name of the game is Your Mum And let's just say I'm already playing it!
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks
disablity wages are getting smaller and smaller, I have a dwarf friend who struggles to put food on the table
Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do, I have a handrail around the bed
Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
You know that little tingling sensation you get when you like someone? that's you're common sense, leaving your body!
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
Follow @dazjan for tweets that make you contemplate life
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
My friend takes jokes way too serious, so the other day I threw a lamp at him and told him to "Lighten the fuck up".
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So when I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect"
If you jingle my bells, I promise you a white Christmas!
Today a man came to my door and asked for a donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water!
"Hey Frank, how's the waste management business going?" "Oh you know, same shit different day!"
What gets longer when pulled, fits between your breasts, fits neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked? A seat belt. What did you think?
Mum: It's a nice day, why don't you go outside? Me: I haven't unlocked that level yet
Unicorndoes... @unicorndoes
8 Followers 71 Following Hi everyone I'm unicorn does things check out my YouTube channel via the link below to see the things I get up too. Remember: if your stressed be a cucumber.
Chloe Thomas @chloe_thomas16
664 Followers 196 Following YouTube channel https://t.co/szovb6QULH… I also do BSL videos check it out down below!!!!!
Valerie Flores @vfloresparkman
22 Followers 208 Following
Roger James Hamilton @rogerhamilton
873K Followers 612K Following Entrepreneur, Educator, Futurist. CEO of $GNS (NYSEAmex) - An AI powered, Bitcoin-first education company
ariella Banks @DodaKarina
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ElsBels @EesPotato98
89 Followers 337 Following basically I'm a bit odd but you'll learn to love it adore music and I climb a lot so yh I get distracted easily SQUIRREL xox
bethani @bethh_newland
158 Followers 387 Following
the YUNGGAL❤️ @TherealVONJAE
26 Followers 179 Following ❤️HIS❤️ If yhu want Respect EARN IT, Cause ion just give it out for FREE! 302✈️404 YUNGGAL FROM WEST WATCH A QUEEN SUCCEED!
Wings Like Weapons @w_l_w
11K Followers 11K Following Wings Like Weapons' official Twitter. Catch our theme song SOMETIMES I'M ALIVE on NBC Sports show Bass 2 Billfish. Music video: http://t.co/roQG1w5E1t
Paradise PD & Farzar @Paradise_Farzar
12K Followers 13 Following Paradise PD - now streaming! Farzar - coming soon.
Ryan K @rwappin
6K Followers 481 Following Animator, Writer, and Dream Expert. Creator of Miracle Machine. Worked on Smiling Friends and Super Meat Boy Forever. Business inquiries: [email protected]
Roger James Hamilton @rogerhamilton
873K Followers 612K Following Entrepreneur, Educator, Futurist. CEO of $GNS (NYSEAmex) - An AI powered, Bitcoin-first education company
Dave Gorman @DaveGorman
345K Followers 2K Following 36hrs of TV stand-up on youtube: https://t.co/wMETKJl3KY I also set crosswords. Bluth in the Indy, Fed in the Graun, Django in the Telegraph
the warden @connortation1
11 Followers 7 Following Hello i am the warden and you are a prisoner! Theres no escape. So dont even try it MY little trouble makers!
Bart Baker @BartBaker
896K Followers 164K Following I stopped aging at 25 🛑 FUCK ALS 🛑 Crypto tweets & RTs are NFA DYOFR 🛑 I don’t do social media anymore anywhere (besides ZORA👇🏼) so don’t email me 🛑 $BAT
BoJack Horseman @BoJackHorseman
473K Followers 165 Following A horseman leaves pretty big shoes to fill. Account run by @Netflix as of 1/30.
James Fridman @fjamie013
2.2M Followers 1 Following Do not submit any personal photos that you do not want to be made public. Terms and conditions apply. https://t.co/WWtgLUfRED
Brendan Blaber @BrendanBlaber
44K Followers 2 Following a.k.a. Jello --- Makes #EpithetErased Wrote Jerry, Gaia, Chairemi, Jean Loo, Celia, & Florence in "Date Everything!". ⬇️ Contact/resume in link!
rob @robwhisman
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BBC Newsbeat @BBCNewsbeat
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Sterling Archer @Archer_Sterling
20K Followers 83 Following Secret Agent, playboy, heavy-drinker, inconsiderate driver and active member of Team Live Badass.
tobyfox @tobyfox
2.0M Followers 294 Following
Dara Ó Briain @daraobriain
2.4M Followers 659 Following Talks far too quickly, mumbles, and yet, still doing it. Touring New show Nov 2021, into 2022/23! Latest science book for kids "Is there Anybody Out There?"
Bob's Burgers @BobsBurgersFOX
398K Followers 514 Following Official account for #BobsBurgers. Watch new episodes Sundays at 9:30/8:30c on FOX, next day on Hulu!
🍕Chris Craig🍕 @SpookyTeaSpoon
702 Followers 1K Following I like to make cartoons, toasted cheese sandwiches & play guitar in Vendetta Love
JG Quintel @JGQuintel
243K Followers 88 Following Creator of Close Enough and Regular Show. Also the voice of Mordecai which is just my regular voice.
Justin Roiland @JustinRoiland
618K Followers 1K Following I’m not interested in being told who I am, how I feel, or what I think by people who don’t know me. That’s why I’m rarely on Twitter anymore.
Doug TenNapel @DougTenNapel
46K Followers 1K Following Doug TenNapel is the creator of Earthworm Jim, the Neverhood and Catscratch. Saved by Jesus. Fighting the dictatorship of relativism.
ariella Banks @DodaKarina
116 Followers 1K Following Associate producer for the Golf Channel. Journalism grad from The School of Media and Public Affairs
JonnyEthco (Appsro) @JonnyEthco
41K Followers 963 Following Animator, Voice Actor and Editor, Also known as Appsro on Neebs Gaming
Fifty Shades of Gran @50ShadesOfGran
2K Followers 19 Following Retirement home shenanigans brought to you by Gran and anyone else that can work this tweeter thing.
Raggers @Rag_Bros
369 Followers 260 Following Supporter of Tulsi Gabbard. Willing to hear both sides of the political parties if backed by logic
bela bose @belabose2
14 Followers 34 Following
ElsBels @EesPotato98
89 Followers 337 Following basically I'm a bit odd but you'll learn to love it adore music and I climb a lot so yh I get distracted easily SQUIRREL xox
Brody Foxx @BrodyFoxx
239K Followers 1K Following 💯 | Official Page 💼 | Created by @zackjamesobz | Your Top Source for the Best Yo Mama ® Jokes
That Potato @Els_bels_smells
357 Followers 1K Following ps3, food, climbing, lazy as fuck basically I'm like marmite you either like me or youre insane xx
Craig Ferguson @CraigyFerg
2.4M Followers 226 Following Traveling Vaudevillian - JOY podcast and new special "I'm So Happy" now available on YouTube! https://t.co/0Q4AqlaDYr
Geoff Peterson @GeoffTheRobot
41K Followers 5 Following Robot Skeleton Sidekick on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Voice/Puppet Master: @joshrthompson
Melvin Odoom @Melvinodoom
81K Followers 7K Following Agent: [email protected] 📥 📷 Insta: @melvinodoom / Radio 1 DJ 📻 OOO on. #ImACeleb 🐛🪲 Officially an Oti Mabuse fan account.
Judy Justice @JudyJustice
120K Followers 8 Following New cases. New team. Our same favorite judge. New season of #JudyJustice premieres on 1/22! Stream on @AmazonFreevee or @PrimeVideo!
Mikey Bolts @MikeyBolts
67K Followers 579 Following
Clumsy Ninja @clumsygame
132K Followers 9 Following Welcome to the Official Clumsy Ninja Twitter page! Available now for free on the App Store & Google Play.
Saints Row @SaintsRow
148K Followers 576 Following Official Saints Row Twitter – on Epic, Steam, Xbox & PlayStation. #KeepItStrange Issues? https://t.co/4vG9Ft1C6j
Meatwad @YaboyMeatwad
91 Followers 11 Following MC Pee Pants was my dog. Meatwad get the honeys G. Check out @athf_carl @Master____Shake
Terry McGurrin @standupmonkey
11K Followers 2K Following Showrunner, Writer, Comedian, Voice Actor. (he/him) #TotalDrama #TheSnoopyShow #6teen #ScaredySquirrel. REP: The Characters Agency. #GoSensGo ALLY🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Al Lowe @allowe
7K Followers 108 Following Once upon a time, Al Lowe created the Leisure Suit Larry (and many other) games for Sierra. He now runs http://t.co/c37Fm07QEX.Trends for United States
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