Uselessly Useful @UselesslyUseful
USELESS, absurd, random, stupid tweets about absolutely nothing in particular that you may find USEFUL. Joined January 2012-
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Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
My Words With Friends game w/my mom always pops up when I'm 'mobile-masturbating.' It's like she knows?
Morning wood? You mean my wife's toothbrush.
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch.
Uselessly Useful retweeted
I am working on finding out more about this @MTeo_5 #Catfish story. I have been in contact with the woman involved and will get the truth.
The possessive of "Manti Te'o". Mind = Blown.
You're more fake than Manti Te'o's girlfriend.
You're probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Love is evil, spell it backwards I'll show ya.
So I was getting arrested the other night by this female officer and she goes, "Anything you say can and will be used against you" .. "Tits"
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!
"Dad I'm hungry." "Nice to meet you hungry!" "Dad, I'm serious..." "I thought you were hungry?" "Are you kidding?!" "No, I'm Dad."
As a kid my mom asked why my penis was big. I said, "You know how when you're excited for something like christmas you shoot up out of bed?"
Wow, this dude is so gay. So the other night I was banging him "doggystyle" and he turns around and winks at me! #wtf
I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget.
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594 Followers 1K Following Scars remind us of where we've been,but they don't have to dictate where we are going.Been known to tweet quite randomly.Try and keep up.Author in the making.
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