Very Funny Posts @VeryFunnyPosts
VeryFunnyPosts. Joined June 2010-
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Don't say you hate America now, because just last week you had on those American flag leggings.
No one will ever love you as much as I don't.
BF: What? He's not even that cute! Me: Stop it he's super funny & look he RTd me! BF: So now you love him? Me: Omg I do!!! I totally do.
A tragically doomed romance sounds like a great way to pass the winter months. Look at me planning ahead and everything.
Pretty certain the only way I'd ever be involved in gardening is if someone murdered me & planted me in their garden.
Of course I'm nervous - I have an audition tomorrow. Which means I'm having sex tomorrow with someone I haven't met yet.
Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable.
I've been ordering a cheeseburger and fries at my bank drive-thru every week for a year and they STILL don't think it's funny.
Relax, you're not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
I thought we were gonna buy Mexico & flip it. What ever happened with that?
Pick a major?? Find a man?? Have a career?? I haven't even settled on an app to access Twitter yet..so let's just slow it down people
Probably not going to talk you off that ledge, but I would ask you to scooch over so you don't hit my car.
I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I don't know what's worse: my hangover, or the two 90-year old women laying naked beside me.
If you're really serious about winning a pillow fight, you should put a shitload of D batteries in your pillowcase.
I wish I had half the determination and persistence of Adobe reader updater.
My kid asked if we have a thesaurus & I told her to use her brain. I mean it'd be pretty fucking obvious if we had a dinosaur wouldn't it?
Did you know that if you decapitate a vegan they can continue to talk about being a vegan for another 6 minutes?
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Asking if I want to link twitter to facebook is like asking me if I want to invite my family over to watch me masturbate.
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