Farting Storm @Wellyblobs
I was a toilet attendant on the Death Star North of Manchester UK Joined May 2011-
Tweets4K
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Followers275
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Following311
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Likes8K
Farting Storm retweeted
I have room in the pool house for a couple of hot refugee women. Twins if possible.
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Farting Storm retweeted
Waiter: And what would you like? Me: My babies to look like you Waiter: … Date: She’ll have the nachos
Farting Storm retweeted
-What's your name? -Amber. -Oh! That's pretty. -Yeah it's a common name for strippers and it's also the color of my pee every morning
Farting Storm retweeted
Scientist 1: I've done it Scientist 2: whoa [later at press conference] Scientist 1 [defensively]: how is a sombrero for a spider not useful
Shit a brick. Milky and Combo. Talk about building the tension. #ThisIsEngland90
Farting Storm retweeted
Me: You think I'm clumsy and uncoordinated, but I fixed this shelf all by myself. Wife: Why did it need to be fixed? Me: I also broke it.
Off to Wales for my hols. Weather forecast is rain. I'll guarantee I'm the only nobhead in shorts and flip flops, drinking beer in the rain.
So, "go have a banana and sit on the tyre swing" isn't an appropriate way to tell my fat ape of a coworker to go on their lunch break.
Farting Storm retweeted
Wife: Dog trainers are very expensive Me: Well they need two pairs Dog: I want Nike Air Jordans
So far, my dog has done 16,000 steps wearing my fitbit. This exercising malarkey, is a piece of piss.
My dad has a book on how to attract birds to your garden. I didn't expect a crane though.
I'm watching my dog drag her arse across the floor, while I sit here drinking a Pepsi in the sun. Life doesn't get any better.
Been there, done that. Me, pointing out places I'd taken a dump and absolutely destroyed the toilet bowl. Dating is hard.
*Holds out piece of paper I'd written on. Me: what does that say? CW: Fuck off And that's how the fight started.
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