DΛVID @_davidlucas_

Not owing explanations to strangers on the internet since 2011. Proudly blocked by @3AWNeilMitchell. x.com/search?q=from%… Melbourne, Australia Joined October 2011

Tweets

156K
Followers

17K
Following

10K
Likes

187K

Mac Dickson @MacDicksonShow

3 weeks ago

Walking through a festival this past weekend with my daughter and we see some guy drawing caricatures. She said, "He looks sketchy!" I could not have been more proud.

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Nuclear Winter @4SLars

2 years ago

The way this cat is chewing on my severed ear makes me feel seen.

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Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire

3 months ago

Frankly, I’m just glad I’m not the only one who crashed out this week.

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Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO

4 months ago

I lost my notebook with all my most important work. If you find it, please finish coloring Ariel's hair.

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The Shovel @TheShovel

4 months ago

Black Smoke Rises From Coal-Fired Power Station in Traditional Sign That Liberal Party Has Chosen New Leader theshovel.com.au/2025/05/13/bla…

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CHRIS 👍 @GoBurgo

4 months ago

My memory foam mattress drinks to forget

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

5 months ago

CHIEF PALEONTOLOGIST: So I need a name for this giant prehistoric shark GARY: How about Megalodon CHIEF: That's a badass name ME: *crumpling my note that says 'Sea-Rex'* Fuck you Gary

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

5 months ago

If they elect an American Pope they can call him Uncle Psalm

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Jeremy London @SirJeremyLondon

5 months ago

If going to space for 3 minutes makes you an astronaut then I’m a gynecologist…

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

5 months ago

Hey America, when we asked you how stupid you could get, it wasn't a challenge.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

6 months ago

On St Patrick's Day when they dye the river green, I call it Shrekago. I'm banned from Illinois for life.

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The Shovel @TheShovel

6 months ago

Average IQs in Ukraine Soar After US Withdraws Its Intelligence theshovel.com.au/2025/03/06/ave…

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“I disrespected the local customs. I brazenly walked through a door instead of climbing in over a wall. "I then rudely sat down on a chair when clearly I should have thrown it through a window. I forgot who I was talking to”. Read the full story --> tinyurl.com/47exfwph

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Mike Carlton @MikeCarlton01

10 months ago

America…it’s like watching the Fall of Rome. There is no other democracy, from Norway to New Zealand, which would elect as its leader a rapist, felon, liar, ignoramus, misogynist, vindictive bully and charlatan.

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The Shovel @TheShovel

12 months ago

Cats the Musical Finally Ends After Immigrants Eat Entire Cast, Trump Claims theshovel.com.au/2024/09/12/cat…

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud

a year ago

WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking? ME: Prince William should rent out some rooms in Kensington Palace to tourists. Call it Heirbnb. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'