Funniest Parents @_funny_parents
The funniest parents on Twitter. Because it's better to laugh than cry. Joined February 2016-
Tweets16K
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Followers7K
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Following5K
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Likes0
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A starter CrossFit class going on in the gym and for those students not prepared they are handing out beards and full-sleeve tattoos at the door.
Kind of disappointed that I quit my job today and didn't immediately get escorted out by security.
[movie pitch] ME: a super hero movie with chickens called Thor: RagnaBAWK PRODUCER: no ME: ok, all cats PRODUCER: please leave ME: in a war movie PRODUCER: now ME: *getting ushered out the door* Apocalypse MEOW
I know I'm past the expiration date for those "30 under 30" lists. Is there a "old fuck hoping for a second chance" list someone can put me on? Thanks.
Sometimes I think everyone is better than me or smarter than me... ...then I remember that we all used to poop ourselves.
I'd be more inclined to follow my heart if it spent more time on tropical beaches.
Twitter is like being stuck in neutral... forever
When Winter Arrives... Normal People: Wow it’s really cold out, I’m wearing a jacket, hat, and warm shoes today! My 7-year-old son:
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Our youngest daughter doesn't always remember our Prime Minister's name but she can name over 20 doughnut flavours & we couldn't be more proud.
"I'm not addicted to Twitter." "Me neither." - A Tale of Two Liars
My son's favorite thing about homework is the part where he does it on the way to school & thinks I know all the answers.
[text] Boss: It's 9:30. Are you planning on coming in today? Me: What? Do we not have National Pickle Day off?!
If you didn't start defrosting your Thanksgiving turkey in early October it's already too late.
I think the most frustrated zombies would be the ones who didn't have their dentures in when they turned.
Boss: You look pretty busy, I'll come back later. Me: *writing resignation letter* Yeah I'm pretty swamped.
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It's the honest truth that we're trying to raise both our girls in a world where all their dresses have pockets.

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