kurtis @_urtis

Future WWE Superstar Joined October 2011

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

Couple next to me at the bar: “Theres a reason nobody wants to go on vacation with you — because the entire room shakes when you snore.” Just seperate already.

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

Love how 800 million people watched squid games because teenagers in California said so, but I cant find a person within 50 miles to talk with about the Dexter reboot on Showtime.

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kurtis @_urtis

9 years ago

Phil Root was only 20 when he took Gold at the Belle Isle half marathon.

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

Don’t EAT the orange garnish if you order a blue moon. Squeeze it in the beer. Discard it. But for the love of God — dont eat it.

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

Cant believe im at a stage in my life where im strongly considering adopting a rabbit. For companionship.

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

If he is sitting at the corner of the bar babysitting a beer not talking to nobody — that is the bartenders boyfriend bro. Tread lightly.

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

That’s Olivia “Hits Only” Rodrigo to you.

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“He’s literally a top 5 defender ever, 4 Defensive Player of the Years, signature player on one of the most beloved title teams ever, and he JUST got into the HOF. And people STILL complain. Honestly a crime. Anyways my name is Bogart. Yep I swear.”

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

When a store has a rewards program but they dont pressure you to sign up while checking out > loving and being loved.

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Ev Emanuel @Ev_Emanuel_

4 years ago

J Cole really is rapping like the rent due on this new jawn

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Kyle Kathan @KyleKathan3

4 years ago

Best tweet or 2021 thus far

kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

Best tweet or 2021 thus far

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kurtis @_urtis

4 years ago

If you or somebody you know is the beer cart girl at glacier club in Washington, MI — we need to talk.

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kurtis @_urtis

5 years ago

Changing my deoderant from Dove Men +Care “Extra Fresh”, to Dove Men +Care “Clean Comfort”. They’re not going to know what hit them.

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kurtis @_urtis

5 years ago

Winona Ryder is still so hot.

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Unclean Gyrating @_philthy_rich

5 years ago

@_urtis didn’t realize it was a flex. Just hoping my premium heated leather seats & steering wheel, 8 inch infotainment system and 9 speaker, high-performance Bose system are all okay