Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

Big dumb idiot, terminally online shut-in, Zenyatta main Austin, Texas Joined February 2009

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

4 months ago

Extremely bored of the "his words don't mean what they say" excuse that seems to get applied to everyone these days. If you need someone to roll in and explain what you ACTUALLY meant, maybe you're just a shitty communicator.

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

5 months ago

So Trump either is manipulating the markets to help make people wealthier, or he's incompetent and a wuss and backed down under pressure. Which is it?

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

10 months ago

Of course the department is called DOGE. This timeline blows.

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

10 months ago

Since this is the last day it matters, a friendly reminder that being a single-issue Palestine voter is an insanely privileged choice. If you are willing to ignore the effects that the outcome will have on 300+ million Americans, you should at least own your selfishness.

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soul nate @MNateShyamalan

10 months ago

in 125,000 simulations of the election, my statistical model foresaw a narrow Harris win with 54.9% probability however, the model also grouped a number of midwest & sunbelt into a new entity, known as “MEGA ARKANSAS” - an ominous prophecy which i am terrified may come to pass

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Damin Toell @damintoell

11 months ago

Babe, wake up, lead paint truthers just dropped

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

11 months ago

Update, in the time since this tweet I have lost once and it is a bitter stain on my soul that I cannot wash out.

Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

2 years ago

Update, in the time since this tweet I have lost once and it is a bitter stain on my soul that I cannot wash out.

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

It's fucked up that you can't be excited about teases of upcoming announcements anymore because you know it's just gonna be a shitty AI feature nobody wanted.

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

We already knew the Katy Perry song was going to be complete shit from the one clip that made the rounds on TikTok, but what kind of brainlet writes a song about female empowerment and decides to wheel out TRICIA FUCKIN PEYTAS? It's gotta be a shitpost man

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

Y'all, are we really STILL throwing Hillary under the bus?

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Right Wing Cope @RightWingCope

a year ago

many such cases

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

POV: You've read the bible but retained none of the information. Also, if we're keeping score, Joe Biden has a well-documented history as a Christian, and if you ask him what his favorite Bible verse is he can probably name one. How's THIS guy getting the endorsement?

Roger Stone @RogerJStoneJr

a year ago

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

So did Marge prep for this Fauci hearing by having her staffers scroll her Twitter feed and just print out whatever they found? Jesus Christ, I am begging Georgia to put this crazy person out of a job.

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Alex, giant enemy crab 🦀 @alexdavidswift

a year ago

"Palestine isn't a country" is the same caliber of retort as "Technically we're a constitutional republic." Yeah, no kidding shithead, now that we sorted out the semantics let's talk about all the dead people.

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Massimo @Rainmaker1973

a year ago

A Japanese IT engineer has created a creepy night lamp that crawls on robotic spider legs and leads you to the toilet in the middle of the night

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frye @___frye

2 years ago

i was reminded of this image again just now

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Joe Kassabian @JoeKassabian

2 years ago

I love videos like this. Because you can spend years training abused conscripts on how to kick something in half and all of that will be wasted when some 19 year old drone operator ripped to the gills on monster energy drinks with cat ears attached to their headset ethers them