Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

Freelance writer and editor @ https://t.co/XVishmBTKw. Musician @ https://t.co/SJn4HGd0Bn. I try to be funny. wordsinminutes.ca Kitchener, Ontario Joined May 2020

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73K

Matt Strauss @strauss_matt

6 hours ago

“Avoiding engagement with the intruder has proven to be the most effective course of action.” I’m sorry, what is the proof of this?

Chief Jim MacSween @chiefmacsween

a day ago

“Avoiding engagement with the intruder has proven to be the most effective course of action.” I’m sorry, what is the proof of this?

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

7 hours ago

Canada isn’t the Wild West; it’s much more technologically advanced. Here, the bandits force you to “transfer money into a cryptocurrency wallet”.

Sean Fraser @SeanFraserMP

a week ago

Canada isn’t the Wild West; it’s much more technologically advanced. Here, the bandits force you to “transfer money into a cryptocurrency wallet”. https://t.co/LasMz8Sw9j

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My mother-in-law took my Jeep the other day, and because she was driving 51 in a 40, I got dinged with a speed camera penalty in the mail. My favourite part is the $15 "victim component". I was at home working, man! This is not a just world.

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Mr. Bluesky 🦋 @MrBlueskyToYou

2 days ago

I stopped locking my doors at night to own the CONs. Funny the places extreme leftism takes you, but here we are.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

2 days ago

Between fees, the government’s take, and tip, I dropped nearly a grand on having two old suits from 2014 altered (extensively) and cleaned. Weight loss is bloody expensive.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

2 days ago

I save this Ronald McDonald GIF for very stupid occasions (like the authorities removing basketball rims from outdoor courts to conquer COVID and butthurt liberals including Doug Ford once again proposing changes to the plan-o-gram at the LCBO).

CTV News @CTVNews

3 days ago

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Illiberal Party @illiberal_party

2 days ago

Here in the greatest country on Earth (particularly since 2015), we don't have a burglary and murder problem--we have a people sticking up for themselves problem. It's time to build--but be fully compliant if someone else wants your tools. Can you dig it?

CP24 @CP24

3 days ago

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

3 days ago

"andrew jacob, Your opinion is important to us" Cool. Well, my opinion costs $75 per hour. 😘

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

7 days ago

I’m a gentle giant who loves all people except people who get too close to me and stand in front of the PIN pad while I’m bagging, the clerk is still scanning my groceries, and I haven’t paid for my food yet. Those people can go to hell and die.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

a week ago

Redecan Gems: the official THC capsules of "oh good, my 3-year-old niece found the karaoke microphone; we definitely needed more of her in the mix"

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

a week ago

Greetings from the most famous “lickbo” in Ontario at the moment

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Matt Strauss @strauss_matt

a week ago

New ports, railways, pipelines: 0 New bureaucracies: 1 This man has “built” nothing. I can’t believe his social media team has the gall to brag about it.

Mark Carney @MarkJCarney

a week ago

New ports, railways, pipelines: 0 New bureaucracies: 1 This man has “built” nothing. I can’t believe his social media team has the gall to brag about it.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

a week ago

Initially, I thought Mia might have been too old/arthritic for physiotherapy, but I’m glad we gave it a try. She’s doing very well with her in-clinic treatments and at-home exercises. I’m guessing mobility gains will come slowly, but her mental health has already gone way up.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

a week ago

My cat knocked a fake aloe vera plant in a genuine pot off the medicine cabinet and onto my head when I was on the toilet. The pot broke, but my head didn't. I'm glad it wasn't an episode of 1960s Batman, because then, I'm pretty sure it would've knocked me out.

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Mr. Bluesky 🦋 @MrBlueskyToYou

a week ago

All views that run counter to mine are tantamount to hate, and I HATE hate.

Bob Rae @BobRae48

a week ago

All views that run counter to mine are tantamount to hate, and I HATE hate.

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

a week ago

I thought the first new Mudvayne song in 16 years would be a lot more interesting. 🤷‍♂️

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Andrew Jacob @andrewljacob

2 weeks ago

Mount a socially-appropriate smile during a home invasion, experts say

CP24 @CP24

2 weeks ago

Mount a socially-appropriate smile during a home invasion, experts say

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Mr. Bluesky 🦋 @MrBlueskyToYou

2 weeks ago

As part of your Canadian home security setup, be sure to keep a copy of the Visual Analogue Scale handy so that you can ask the intruder to rate their pain after each blow with a piece of sporting equipment. Ideally, you also want to check their vital signs every step of the way.