Bitsmack @bitsmack
Doing my best to fail upwards | She/They bitsmack.com Columbus, OH Joined April 2007-
Tweets886
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Followers41
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Following48
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Likes321
Man’s dating profile: I’m looking for a woman that DOESN’T PLAY GAMES! Me: (sheepishly puts my copy of The Castles of Burgundy back on the shelf)
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I’m either so amazing I’ll never find a partner that can match my energy and intelligence or I’m so weird no one could possibly love me and there is nothing in between
I don’t have time for all the things I don’t want to do in a day.
Me: I can never find a pen. I’m going to buy a new pack and put it somewhere the kids won’t find it. Also Me: I can’t find the new pack of pens I bought.
Here are the minimum number of bras I determined necessary: 4-5 sports bras 2 comfy everyday bras 1 black and 1 nude underwire bra 1 nude strapless bra
Me (into the mirror): Your eyeshadow is too dark, you look like a raccoon. Also me: Oh so you’re saying I’m adorable?
I’ve never liked Twitter. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I’m trying out Mastodon. I’m @[email protected]
I just saw a paper towel commercial where a man is helping his grandma use a dating app. This is my nightmare scenario.
Me: A nap would be great right now The stool softeners I’ve been taking for two weeks: OK BOYS, LET’S GET THINGS MOVING
The appearance of my boobs has been downgraded from “ridonkulous” to just “ridiculous”
I wish every video game had an option in the menu to let you replay the tutorial. It would be great for returning to a game after a long break.
If you thought I was obnoxious before, just wait and see how insufferable I am when I have the body I want.
I don’t want a guy who wants to immediately hookup. I want a guy to pretend he’s interested in me and then we immediately hookup.
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