Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

Don't let anyone dull your bitchy sparkle 🌠 - Tequila Princess 👑 - Married as FUCK - Rap Name Generator named me Quiet Assassin - Spicy Scatter #1 cannotfunction.tumblr.com Joined August 2013

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

a month ago

I’ve spent 3 years with Willie (my younger cat) to find out today the only human food he will eat is corn, and I’m dumbfounded. Not salmon, or chicken, or Cheetos (Rupert [older cat] loves a puff.) I fricken love these weirdos.

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

4 months ago

Ended my goal based therapy today. She said she was proud of me, and would only be a message away if I needed her again. I do GENUINELY feel better, but damn saying goodbye this session really made me understand her impact. I cried a lil, and I’ll see you when I need you Emily.

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

4 months ago

If I ever want to connect with my sisters, next year is the last year to fully try. Either they will realize they miss me, and love(?) me, or they’ll listen to Aaron, who is bad at loving his kids. Mady- you graduate next year, I’d love to know you. Kendall- Please meet me. ♥️

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

8 months ago

Not me crying because my Google Home is an elder (for tech) and she’s having a hard time remembering the games she once had and can’t stop a timer while answering questions. She’s doing her best, and if she can’t remember how to turn on a tv, I will NEVER judge her. My Angel. ♥️

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

9 months ago

You were like, only cool because you were my dad figure, but we never saw eye to eye. But that’s probably why I miss you, because you were my most important father figure, and I love you so much, Gramps. I miss us together. I still can hear you, and I’m told I’m lucky. helLOO ♥️

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

a year ago

Who knew trauma dumping in ‘21 would be hilarious to read in your own journal in ‘24? I feel like I have almost broken the 4th wall so many times. Truly an icon. Also, sorry ‘14 me, I ate more than an apple at lunch, yer welcome! (We didn’t get gallstones for an extra 3 years!)

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

a year ago

New #SmoshSitcomLive was so funny! @supershayne with face beat, in a crop being The Chosen? 12/10 The Chosen Chosen kiss with @Spennser? ∞/10

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

Me (to me): I gotta paint better bc my grandpa believed in me, he got me “art” like 15 years ago I still cherish, and I want to do it better. We deserve better… also, I know I’m bad at art. LETS GOOO. #letspaintrees

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

The most exercised muscles on my body, are the ones that make me frown. #swole Apparently Florence Pugh is my icon. 🤷🏼 That’s just my face, idk.

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no context memes @weirddalle

2 years ago

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

You know I’m gay bc I’m watching @hazbinhotel

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

One thing about me: I will cry every time Matt Smith’s Doctor regenerates. 🥲 #doctorwho #mattsmith #petercapaldi

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

Just cried over the #DoctorWho 50th Anniversary again. I realize I need more lore about Doc 8, & it’s wild to see War Doc become Doctor 9. Especially the curator now that we know #bigeneration is a thing! When I was a kid this was all so permanent, I love being able dive in more.

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

Prepping for a dog- put cat feeding station in an enclosed area Rupert- LEAPS AND BOUNDS, nothing can contain me I’m fine. Willie- “halp. halp.” maybe if I push on this wall, I’M OUT! Why’d you trap me? ☹️ They’re so good, I hope they love their sister. ♥️ For you Biscuit.🥹🥺

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Killin' It 🙌🏻 @cannot_function

2 years ago

Being married vs not is truly relying on money and bills, BUT no one can escape. You are legally obligated to pay for the heating system we don’t know how to work, but don’t worry- there’s a tax break in February. Equality. (This tweet is dedicated to my awful HVAC system.)