Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

if you are dealing with someone who is bummed about losing their job and hasn’t gotten over it after three days, ask yourself this: have you tried calling them a bitch?

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

5 months ago

okay gavin u can call off the refinery shutdown now! it didn’t work! they are still making me do the pha.

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

7 months ago

“do you ride regular or goofy?” ma’am i ride heel side.

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

7 months ago

when reb said that trumps whole cabinet are the dei final bosses (hired for their race, class, and financial contribution to his campaign and NOT based on qualifications) wooooowwwww i got chills

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

10 months ago

true crime books are a disease. why am i up at 11 pm on a school night?? just reading my heart out ?? and now i can’t even sleep ???

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

10 months ago

donald trump has appointed me as the director of the federal bureau of pizza… pizza these nuts

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

10 months ago

women by definition cannot mansplain however that does not apply to nancy pelosi

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

found a worm in a peach. never eating organic again.

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

some people really miss the point of my tweets. they are about ME. dude i do NOT care about ur opinion if u intentionally misunderstand mine.

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

me: writes a paper worth 20% of my grade in two hours and doesn’t proofread it before submitting me when the TA roasts me and tells me to go to the writing center next time: 👁👄👁

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

when i accidentally type “me” instead of “my”

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

there are a few ladies that i consistently see in the restroom at work and they are always like “hahaha we are on the same schedule” but in my head i think i have drank 94 oz of water before 9 am i am on everyone’s schedule

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

everyone at work is all about contingency this and contingency that. okay so i packed every pair of undies i own for a weekend trip what now

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Danielle Johnson @dani_f_johnson

11 months ago

i went to dicks the restaurant in vegas two years ago and the jokes about me were that i was the dumb and ditzy one at the table and it was all fun and games but i will need another several years before i go back