Dan Kalmar @dankalmar
Just my two cents (adjusted for inflation) dankalmar.com Toronto Joined December 2008-
Tweets2K
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Followers282
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Following72
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Likes52
Pot with performance anxiety can't boil while you watch cbc.ca/comedy/pot-wit…
REPORT: Pretty sure guy showed up at cottage with just a guitar cbc.ca/comedy/report-…
Man hoping 'most of his vacation time' a good enough gift for destination wedding cbc.ca/comedy/man-hop…
STUDY: Cilantro not thrilled about 50% of population either cbc.ca/comedy/study-c…
"A higher minimum wage will lead to more automation!" -person who doesn't understand that automation is coming regardless
Woman gives birth to brand new Instagram feed cbc.ca/comedy/woman-g…
British man just going to see exactly what accent will let him get away with cbc.ca/comedy/british…
Smoking in a Benz is the ultimate sign of wealth. It both shows that you can afford a Benz and that you don’t care about its resale value.
Nothing makes me feel more uneducated than when I didn’t know a movie was a book first.
24 million Americans enter every March Madness pool in hopes of affording healthcare in future cbc.ca/comedy/24-mill…
I want positivity on social media, just not LinkedIn-comment-section positivity.
Passive aggressive power move: if you're waiting for someone to respond to a text, endorse them on LinkedIn for Text Messaging.
Traffic jam solved through honking cbc.ca/comedy/traffic…
Unpaid intern contributes 18% of his experience to RRSP cbc.ca/comedy/unpaid-…
Tourist checks out hotel bar to really get feel for city cbc.ca/comedy/funnyst…
Hey restaurants, maybe stop calling the navigation bar on your website a "Menu" since you're a restaurant and menu means something else.
Each year for Christmas, @GreyhoundBus charges me double the rates I normally pay. And I didn't even get them anything! Is this true love?
Man skeptical of CNN believes anything on TotallyRealNews.info cbc.ca/beta/comedy/fu…
Ollie Bray (is going .. @DharmaRational
205 Followers 366 Following Effective & wholehearted meditation coaching: https://t.co/U7mu0cHx4S IFS therapy: https://t.co/F5vq4ehEuW Passionate enjoyer of metta / DMs open :)
Jennifer Susinski @jsusinski
111 Followers 195 Following Boston transplant in London. Views expressed are my own and do not represent the views of SimpliVity.
Leah Rumack @leahrumack
2K Followers 2K Following Producer, writer, maker of weird animated vids. Used to call this Twatter. Same glasses as Ali Wong!
Office Noises @noisefrombelow
2 Followers 5 Following
growing boy @abbymceachran
140 Followers 659 Following im a growing boy and i need my chocolate milk!
Dennis Olympios @DennisOlympios
521K Followers 517K Following LinkedIn's Top Social Media Marketing Voice | 5 Million Social Media Followers | International Best Selling Author | Social Media & PR Strategist | Speaker
SASS Comedy @sasscomedy
78 Followers 156 Following Every month we bring the funniest and sassiest comedians in Toronto to one stage! Tickets for our next show are at the link below! insta 📸 = sass.comedy
Julie @julietopp
502 Followers 720 Following Visiting SVP @pioneer_fund ✨ Previously design lead @twitch, founder @teamrevlo (acq. by Twitch) @ycombinator @next_canada @ocad 🇨🇦
Aman Mudgil @Amanmudgil3
160 Followers 2K Following Aman mudgil Toppersjunction.in owner I am a blogger is writing on various topics such as Blogging,Seo,Wordpress,Adwords etc. #blogmonetization, #SEO, #WordPress
House of Content @House_Content
50 Followers 176 Following House of Content: B2B Marketing for Small and Medium Companies: Powered by words. Driven to get results. House of Content: Launch | Build | Grow
TIM BLAIR @TlMBLAlR
2K Followers 2K Following I do jokes and sketches, check out @Tallboyzisashow and @sidetrackedshow
CBC Comedy @CBCComedy
62K Followers 764 Following Highlighting the @CBC things that make you laugh. Stream our shows for free in 🇨🇦 on @cbcgem, including @22minutes @sonofacritchTV @runtheburbs @workinmoms!
sophie kohn @thegreatsophini
3K Followers 2K Following writer / lamplighter (she/her) repped by @TransLitAgency [email protected]
Harshwardhan Singh @trendattire
148 Followers 3K Following Hi, this is Harsha a blogger of site - https://t.co/id5b6haxqm
BrandEdU @Brand_EdU_
846 Followers 2K Following We help millennials discover their career passions through inspirational & educational content from professionals in the brands they love. #CareerDiscovery
V for Venn Diagram @vforvenndiagram
652 Followers 2K Following If you can't beat them, join them... In a good old fashion Ho Down.- Abraham Lincoln. Comedian and Humorista. #Toronto
Collisa Lobo @CoolosCoolos
9 Followers 98 Following
Pi.Co @ReadPico
991 Followers 663 Following Pico looks at how #technology is influencing other parts of life, work and society. Conversations with interesting people and content curated by @om.
PCH @PCH_Intl
9K Followers 3K Following We work w/ companies passionate about design, brand, and the consumer experience. #productdevelopment #supplychain #fulfillment #sustainability #bringexperience
Shrey Agrawal @ShreyAgrawal2
17 Followers 120 Following
Wei En Wong @weienwong
156 Followers 671 Following
Buildit Accelerator @BuilditAcc
1K Followers 678 Following 1st Nordic hardware & IoT startup accelerator - Pre-Seed & Seed funding, world-class mentors & intense training program
Comedy Hack Day TO @comedyhackdayTO
93 Followers 339 Following A comedy hackathon. We made funny Internet things again on January 14-15
Max Hacking @max_hacking
273 Followers 2K Following Developer, #Linux & #OSS supporter. Co-founder @Modaptix an IoT #smarthome startup. Deep interest in network security, enjoy dystopian novels & very hot food!
A.B. @Brick1984
5 Followers 110 Following
Corey Gwin @corey_gwin
3K Followers 4K Following Product dude = 10+ yrs in startups + 1x indie founder (@blurtdotapp to @b1) + mechanical engineer + HCI grad Engineering at https://t.co/jRCR2pDwGr.
Cheap Laughs OpenMic @cheaphahaha
190 Followers 1K Following Hilarious stand up comedy, FREE as always! Mondays @ P.J. O'Brians(39 Colborne St, Toronto) & Thurdays @ Buster Rhino's (28 King St E, Oshawa)
Kartikmudaliar @Kartikmudaliar4
15 Followers 257 Following
Amar Mahida @MahidaAmar
39 Followers 209 Following
Eva O'Brien @evaobrien_
1K Followers 1K Following head of delivery mgmt @tpximpact (formerly @futuregov). prev @masslbp @junocollege @houseofanansi. she/her.
Kevin Lee @livekeen
288 Followers 450 Following Designer & Occasional Anagram Enthusiast. Nowhere to go but forward. Formerly @wesellsocks.
Shehaaz Saif @Shehaaz
807 Followers 2K Following @Expedia Product Manager, Engineer. @McGillU Grad. @WearHacks Co-Founder.
Marty the Party @martysucks
115 Followers 92 Following I am a man. I am a Canadian. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes. I have many interests. I am six feet and four inches tall. I often wear earth tones. That is all.
Danny Fonseka @LifeofFonzy
6 Followers 25 Following
Leila Pejman @ThePej
1K Followers 458 Following I "PEJ"ify everything so if that bothers you... Bye Felicia!
Tracy Lopes @TracyLopes
45 Followers 101 Following
JCE @JCE_Never
34 Followers 219 Following
Wealthsimple @Wealthsimple
89K Followers 11 Following 🤑 Money news 🤔 Money takes 😎 Money products 🗞 Read our TLDR newsletter: https://t.co/lKFiX19aWk 🤝 Help: https://t.co/62N5WlVTNa ⚖️ Disclosures: https://t.co/xWukYchKxx
ChefSteps @ChefSteps
60K Followers 3K Following We are food professionals who love to cook and feed people. Come find us at https://t.co/k5sFOxyTXt.
Andrew Barr @AndrewBarr8
3K Followers 2K Following Canadian comic, creator of @gutsforlaughs Instagram: @AndrewBarrComedy Listen to my EP: https://t.co/t4mM6PNVmn
V for Venn Diagram @vforvenndiagram
652 Followers 2K Following If you can't beat them, join them... In a good old fashion Ho Down.- Abraham Lincoln. Comedian and Humorista. #Toronto
Corey Gwin @corey_gwin
3K Followers 4K Following Product dude = 10+ yrs in startups + 1x indie founder (@blurtdotapp to @b1) + mechanical engineer + HCI grad Engineering at https://t.co/jRCR2pDwGr.
Gwen Aussem @gwenelliot
5K Followers 283 Following 🎙️’Awesome Living’ podcast 👩💻Creating courses and online learning experiences. Creator of the @microcourse 👨👩👦 Family gal
James Hartnett @jameshartnett
3K Followers 637 Following Here's my album: https://t.co/gRl5l5Whke Podcast: @evilmenpod WATCH Dana & Remy: https://t.co/3cvoEWkt9O
Eva O'Brien @evaobrien_
1K Followers 1K Following head of delivery mgmt @tpximpact (formerly @futuregov). prev @masslbp @junocollege @houseofanansi. she/her.
Leila Pejman @ThePej
1K Followers 458 Following I "PEJ"ify everything so if that bothers you... Bye Felicia!
Marty the Party @martysucks
115 Followers 92 Following I am a man. I am a Canadian. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes. I have many interests. I am six feet and four inches tall. I often wear earth tones. That is all.
Tracy Lopes @TracyLopes
45 Followers 101 Following
Joel Buxton @JoelBuxton
3K Followers 2K Following TV Writer | Stand-Up | White belt in Karate - Check out my latest sketch album Bucky and Friends: Scoop into Cobra, now available on iTunes
Shey Sewani @sheysewani
695 Followers 264 Following Freelance back-end developer and Rails production engineer. #sidekiq #ruby #observability #postgresql | (DMs open) | (he/him)
Erika (she/her) @erkdonovan
512 Followers 287 Following Jays fan, #JunoCollege grad, dice maker, always looking for more ways to eat sour cream. Managing a team of devs! Twitch Streamer @erikainglasses (she/her)
Rachel @rachelclma
667 Followers 168 Following Senior Product Designer and DesignOps Advocate at @ecobee
Rajen Sanghvi @RajenSanghvi
486 Followers 488 Following COO @fulfilio ERP for eCom | company building with a side of dad jokes
Samovar Tea @tea
17K Followers 60 Following We curate the world's best teas for you. Masala Chai. Turmeric Golden Milk. Sencha. Matcha. Brew tea, feel good, do good.
Andrew Louis @hyfen
3K Followers 1K Following Currently: building a memex Other projects: @duetocovid19, photographing doors (IG hyfen), and biking on every street in Toronto
Paul K @kalupa
482 Followers 162 Following he/him. roller of dice. shuffler of paper. hiker of mountains. chauffeur for @shiba_izu. Mastodon https://t.co/WjCOMWnxwZ
Andrew McGrath @andrewjmcgrath
287 Followers 454 Following I’m just here to laugh, and sometimes poke fun. Do us both a favour and don’t take me too seriously.
Techmeme @Techmeme
430K Followers 962 Following Top news and commentary for technology's leaders, from all around the web. This account shares top-level Techmeme headlines. Visit our site for full context.
Dessy @dess_e
1K Followers 729 Following Entrepreneur. Web & mobile developer. CTO & Co-Founder @nudgeforwork.
Arber Jakupi @arberjakupi1
122 Followers 175 Following
Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia
881K Followers 840 Following Twitter is free. You want good shit, pay for it. https://t.co/jHEfMX2ZSZ
Monica Olinescu @mochromatic
497 Followers 529 Following software engineer; entrepreneur; rock climber.
Marie-Eve Belanger @wrongposture
681 Followers 1K Following Design x Research x Strategy. I really like airports.
Andrew Davis @DrewDavisHere
18K Followers 7K Following Bestselling author & keynote speaker. Sold a digital marketing agency. Teaching leaders how to grow their businesses & leave their legacy. #LoyaltyLoop
Anna Piotrowski @annacpiotrowski
731 Followers 1K Following Entrepreneur and world explorer. Health & Fitness Coach. Badass at heart. Founder of @OneAthletica, @KailoTea and @SurfCurveTutor.
derrickfung.eth @fungmoney
3K Followers 1K Following CEO of Drop (@joindrop). 🇨🇦 Canadian tech guy. Former banker. Curious about all things Web3.
Heather Anne Ritchie @heatheranne
4K Followers 2K Following Entrepreneur, Marketer, Connector, Speaker and Mentor. Former VP Strategy, StealthTest/Jambb, Founder, Repable. Opinionated Canadian. Proud mama. (she/her)
The New Yorker @NewYorker
8.8M Followers 405 Following Unparalleled reporting and commentary on politics and culture, plus humor and cartoons, fiction and poetry. Get our Daily newsletter: https://t.co/CW0Z2jHao9
Heather Payne (she/th.. @heatherpayne
17K Followers 3K Following ✨Something new coming soon✨ Mom. Community builder. Entrepreneur. Founded @junocollege & @learningcode.
NPR @NPR
8.7M Followers 63K Following NPR is an independent news organization committed to informing the public about the world around us. You can find us every other place you read the news.
Al Gore @algore
2.9M Followers 45 Following Official account of former Vice President Al Gore. Chair and co-founder of Generation Investment Management, @ClimateReality founder & co-founder @ClimateTRACE.
The National @TheNational
358K Followers 760 Following
Melissa Sariffodeen @melsariffodeen
8K Followers 3K Following Building things that matter. Co-Founder @learningcode. Teaching tech @iveybusiness. Speaker. Advisor. Mom.
Leo Babauta @zen_habits
171K Followers 61 Following Creator of Zen Habits. Training in uncertainty. Zen student, vegan, dad, husband.
#Advocamp is now available on-demand! Sign up to watch keynotes, AMP talks, and Q&A sessions. Learn how you can turn advocacy into a rewarding business strategy: bit.ly/2NunIpA
When I was a kid I used to search for four-leaf clovers. As an adult I search for a public toilet with no piss on the seat
Rule 1 of weddings: never outshine the bride. Me:
Woman gives birth to brand new Instagram feed | @CBCComedy ow.ly/ZLpC30cNjXV 🙌🏽 Yeah buddy, @dankalmar
@dankalmar Both! If I don't have my thermos, I either drink it there from a mug or just don't go at all.
@dankalmar Still haven't haven't had a look but hope to in the next few hours! 😬👍
@dankalmar Haha! It's not the domain this time. I know what the issue is though...will try to get a fix up in the next few hours. 👍
Let's be serious, the people who tweet #BoycottHamilton were never going to go in the first place.
I encourage all my fellow Canadians to GET OUT THERE AND VOTE. You ARE allowed to vote in the US election if i remember correctly.
When measuring your penis, there is a lot of debate about exactly WHERE to start. My rule is: Always start 8 inches away from the tip.
A train on a train repairing train tracks: youtube.com/watch?v=XZNvhy… (via my dad). Other variations: youtube.com/results?search…
The olympics are a great time for countries to take a break from their problems and spend money on sports.
Good chance the image on the left differs...a lot. For everyone.
On set filming a fun little project today 🎬📽
Sick and tired of people not crediting me properly for my quotes
@dankalmar @ChipotleTweets @hyfen it sure was, son.
Here's an article I wrote for @CBCPunchline about #WorldNakedGardeningDay! Enjoy! cbc.ca/punchline/m/no…
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