dave head @davehead1

this is me! well i hope so! Joined November 2011

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dave head @davehead1

2 years ago

Halt BCP Council's Implementation of a Minimum 2-Hour Parking Charge - Sign the Petition! chng.it/dBzS2MBc via @UKChange

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dave head @davehead1

2 years ago

THE BIG ADVENT CALENDAR COMPETITION - Day 1 #giveaway #win #inov8 #bigadventcalendarcompetition kingsumo.com/g/s4qj2r/the-b…

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

With the rocketing price of petrol, I've just filled up my petrol mower with Vodka… The grass is now half cut!

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

Manchester Airport complaints desk overtakes Devon as the UK's top holiday destination this week!

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

89 monkey pox cases in the UK… Won't be long before we're stood on the front door step clapping the zoo keepers!

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

Me: "How much for anal?" Hooker: "Sixty quid." Me: "That's a bit expensive. I think I'll leave it." Hooker: "Tight arse!" Me: "Go on then, you've persuaded me!"

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dave head @davehead1

3 years ago

Enter this amazing SUP competition. sociali.io/ref/6283ae3c65…

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

I failed my biology exam. The question was, 'Name something commonly found in cells.' Apparently, 'scousers' isn't the right answer!

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

A vegetarian looked at my burger and said, "You know, a cow died so you could have that burger." Mid-bite, I looked at his salad and responded, "Maybe it died because you keep eating all its food!"

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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the 'telephone' he had just made from a string and two tin cans... I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

If tobacco tax is meant to discourage smoking, is income tax meant to discourage working?

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

I've just been offered a part in a film. I'm playing a bap… It's just a small roll!

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Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk

3 years ago

I was in McDonald's and they gave me the wrong order. After a brief argument with the cashier, I shouted, "I want to speak to someone above your pay grade." So she called over the cleaner!