D.A.Q @dumbquestions4u
D.A.Q: providing dumb-ass questions for any situation. Never again feel ill-prepared to irritate somebody with the dumbest question possible. Joined September 2015-
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At an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting: “If you want everyone here to remain anonymous then why are you telling us not to get black-out drunk?”
To a bus driver: “I just heard a song that so profoundly summed up my existence I wept. Do you do that if you hear ‘The Wheels on the Bus’?”
On a 1st date: “D'ya think when we’re married, regaling our kids with the tale of how we met, you'll still find it creepy that I said this?”
To a new mother: "Did you know that if you crack open a baby there are sweets inside?"
To a child excitedly chasing a bubble only for it to pop in their face: "You do realise this is a bleak metaphor for the rest of your life?"
At a funeral: “Has no-one else noticed there’s a fucking DEAD BODY in this coffin?! Don’t just stand around weeping…call the police!”
At a long-winded funeral: “Wouldn't Al want us to honour his life in the same way he lived it? So, given he died at 27, that’d be ‘briefly’”
To the elderly: “Why not pretend advances in medical science mean you won't be dead soon by wearing tinfoil and claiming to be a cyborg?"
In a primary school: “What do you want to be when you grow up? Bitter or resigned to your fate of working in a call centre?”
To the Queen: "Are we celebrating your birthday or applauding ourselves for keeping you alive at our expense, for some reason?"
At actors during a play: “Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help overhearing you argue. Don’t you think you’re both being a bit dramatic?”
In an Equine Veterinary Clinic: “Wouldn’t it have been better for everyone if you'd called this place a ‘Horsepital’?”
To a medium: “Are ghosts always wearing sheets because they died of suffocation while being subjected to a particularly deadly dutch oven?”
At a zoo: "I like the lion and chimp exhibits, but why is the 'gentlemen' exhibit just blokes urinating who yell when I try to take photos?"
“Or is it a ‘Chicken Legend’ as the chicken was a big prick and other aspirationally prickish chickens elevated him with a grandiose title?”
In McDonalds: “Is it called a ‘Chicken Legend’ as it can't be verified as historically accurate that this sandwich ever contained chicken?”
To guests at your bed and breakfast: "Would you like your eggs boiled, poached or, as it's Good Friday, crucified?"
To a lawyer: "Legally, does the term 'Intellectual Property Theft' mean the act of stealing a beret?"
To an ornithologist who dabbles in entomology: "Did you want to study porn but took the talk about the birds and the bees too literally?"
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