m.r. E @exploratoryfern

all those fancy popcorn companies need to get their shit together and admit that they will never be better than cracker jack

all salt and vinegar chips should be strong enough to make your eyes water when you open the bag

just found an old alarm on my phone set for 4:20pm titled "nuke chimichanga"

when you've been on hold for 15 minutes and you really have to pee but you know the second you get on the toilet they're gonna hop in like "sorry about the wait"

what does it say about my life right now that getting a jar of nice jam at the grocery store is considered a "special treat"

someone grant me the self control to make a can of pringles last more than a couple hours

No cops at Pride, just me and my marble rolling pin

Fruit Bowls: good in theory, bad in reality

Are you a pants and tank top kind of person or a shorts and long sleeves kind of person?

Licking an official government envelope tastes like underrepresentation and apathy. With just a hint of glue

Does anyone else miss grade school art class? Teacher: Here's multiple drawers full of paints and construction paper and magazines and glitter, don't you just want to go nuts? Me, grabbing art supplies with my grubby little hands: Boy do I

I bet you my left tit that within 2 years we're gonna get a "Cinderella Story"-type movie where the main couple don't recognize each other underneath their quarantine masks

Anyone else do that thing when they were kids when you would put your hand in a brown paper bag and then slather it in Crisco and then plunge it into a bowl of ice water to demonstrate the waterproofing and insulating properties of fat? Or was that just a complete fever dream?

Quarantine Day 36: the day's provisions consisted of 6 clementines, half a package of oreos, and 2 pots of tea. Send Help

Me: We have 2 papers and a research project due in a week, how should we proceed? My Brain: I think we should rewatch all 12 seasons of Bones Me: Excellent, great plan sir

*Watching myself spread butter on a slice of banana bread like it's frosting* ...what have I become

I do not "get horny," I merely watch all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and cut out all of the scenes that do not contain Elizabeth Swann

Must my term paper have a purpose? Is it not enough to simply indulge my current hyperfixation?

Most recent Google search: "ways to describe the color grey"

You put ABBA's Waterloo on loop as you research the Napoleonic Wars because you think it's a good idea, but it's not. It is a bop and you Must Dance.