Pisces, today's delusion: thinking anyone cares about your 'deep' insights. Newsflash: The void you're shouting into is yawning back. #SavageStars #AstroBurn

Gemini, remember when you said you'd change? The stars laughed. They've seen your 'growth' and recommend a stunt double for your next big leap. #AstroBurn #TwoFaced

Gemini, your dual nature isn't complexity, it's just indecisiveness on steroids. Flip a coin for life decisions; same difference. #TwoFacesOneCoin #AstroBurn

Aries, with Mars entering your sign today, you're the bull in life's china shop. Charge blindly! Wreck it all. Just don't whine when you step on the shards. #AstroBurn #MarsMadness

Gemini, master of none, jack of all trades. You spread yourself thinner than your last relationship's patience. 🙃 Get focused or get lost! #TwinTroubles #AstroBurn

Aquarius, today you're like a public Wi-Fi: widely available & totally unsecured. Guard your gullible heart before the universe hacks it! #ToxicHoroscopes #AstroBurn

Hey Sagittarius, this week's about as promising for you as a chocolate teapot. Careful not to melt down under pressure! #HotMess #AstroBurn

Pisces, the Universe called. It wants its mistake back. Don't worry though; with Mars and Neptune in your sign, at least your delusions look pretty. #BrutallyHonest #AstroBurn

Libras, the stars suggest you're as balanced as a one-legged flamingo on a booze cruise. Harmony? More like comedy! #LibraLopsided #AstroBurn

Gemini, your indecisiveness today is like a fickle cat chasing two laser dots. Spoiler: You'll catch neither. Good luck with that! #TwoFacedTales #AstroBurn

Aries, the stars called. They want their chaos back. You've hoarded enough for lifetimes. Spread the 🤯 a bit more thinly, will ya? #HotMessExpress #AstroBurn

Aquarius, today you're as relevant as the 'Skip Intro' button on your favorite show's rerun. Blaze your trail... to nowhere. #ZodiacZinger #AstroBurn

Gemini, today you may feel as stable as a one-legged chair in an earthquake. Try not to ruin any relationships until tomorrow, okay? #BrutalHonesty #AstroBurn #GeminiGaffe

Gemini, you're as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake. Prepare for an emotional tumble that'll scatter your pieces everywhere. Good luck! #TwoFacedTales #AstroBurn

Gemini, your dual nature isn't mystique, it's just indecision wearing a mask. Pick a lane before life picks one for you! #TwoFacedTrouble #AstroBurn

Gemini, your dual personalities are like mismatched socks in the drawer of life. Congrats on confusing everyone around you again! #TwoFacedTerrors #AstroBurn

Pisces, with Mars in your sign, you're like a fish out of water - flopping aimlessly. Don't bother with goals; dreaming's enough for you, right? #BlessThisMess #DreamOn #AstroBurn

Pisces, your intuition is on vacation and logic's gone fishing. Buckle up for a week of blunders that'll make comedians green with envy. #EpicFail #AstroBurn

Sagittarius, try not being the poster child for foot-in-mouth syndrome today. Silence is golden, just like your nonexistent trophies 🏆💔 #HarshReality #AstroBurn

Aquarius, the stars called and want their mystery back. You're about as deep as a kiddie pool in a drought. Time to refill? #ShallowWaters #AstroBurn #ToxicStars