Expert Tweeter™ @it_all_dot_exe
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no babe, it’s okay. it would actually be super weird if that part of your body that you’re insecure about looked normal
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if you do end up killing yourself, make sure to do it in front of your landlord
doing what I want is a compromise, meeting in the middle is a sacrifice, and doing what you want is communism
The US government be like
i didn’t die soon enough i guess
sometimes I want to reply to scam texts with the most unhinged bullshit
the urge to post “help I’ve lost the keys to my [insert expensive luxury car] and need to hot-wire it to get to work asap” on Reddit and write the most suspicious sounding “explanation” possible
working with other people really just boils down to being able to communicate in a calm and collected way when you are anything but calm and collected regarding the situation
I hope the owner of a gray kia with a cross hanging from the mirror doesn’t mind that I scratched the fuck out of the side of their car this morning 🥴🙈
fuck you
Expert Tweeter™ retweeted
Feels like it's been Wednesday all fuckin day today
scrolling through the same datasheet to look busy for two hours
look at what the vaccine is doing to these people. we have to stop this madness now
look at what the vaccine is doing to these people. we have to stop this madness now
don’t forget to regularly test the outlets in your home with a fork
saying “thank you for your service” and saluting the drive thru workers at wendy’s
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