just jake @jakeeherbert
never force a burp, and never trust a fart 💞 | he/him Joined August 2013-
Tweets7K
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Followers333
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Following188
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Likes18K
airpods in, no music playing. perfect ploy to get all of the corporate tea without all of the forced interaction.
i treat farting in a public bathroom much like the “if a tree falls and no one heard, did it make a sound?” i got my music blasting so if i farted no i didnt
there’s an episode of the simpsons where each of us is president
microdosing morning sickness by taking my men’s multivitamin before eating
just jake retweeted
This is still the best scene from season 3 of White Lotus btw
hurt my back dancing to fka twigs in the shower :( this is 25.
im tired of spoon feeding peopleeeeeeee my entire job description is ‘here comes the airplane!!’
the wifi at my office is disgusting and the lag keeps messing up chromatica ii to 911 transition. do i go to hr and report? #homophobia
if you wanna arrange my marriage, you gotta rearrange my guts first
thinking about telling coworkers i’ll only help them today if they’ve listened to mayhem in full
just jake retweeted
you will always be my Best Actress @justdemi @TryTheSubstance
our dogs probably think we’re freaks for always touching their poop
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