donald boat @laserboat999
20 years old Joined April 2021-
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if your homies have never tied you to the mast before you might want to sit them down and have a discussion about their seaworthiness
My lover left me cold and unheated, like a 7/11 monterey jack chicken taquito, available in packs of 4 from behind the counter if you’re interested, here in the unplugged air fryer of her heart
When I was 13 I used to sneak into my dad’s E class in the dead of night and just press on the accelerator until all the street lights turned into long white stripes and at least one neighborhood animal lost its life
When I was 13 I used to sneak into my dad’s E class in the dead of night and just press on the accelerator until all the street lights turned into long white stripes and at least one neighborhood animal lost its life
Miscellaneous member of the glanton gang that visits unspeakable violence on an entire village using nothing but a slingshot and a rusty nail
"where were you during the events of october 14-16th?" "Stationed on the carrier USS Big Slime" "Were you present during the attack on the USS Boy You Big As Hell?" "no, i was cleaning the third deck goonhall with lieutenant Buzzball"
It's important to follow the mailman around occasionally so you can check out which neighborhood animals he has non-aggression pacts and trade agreements with, locate his favorite piss shrubs, take note of what clandestine transportation Tubes and Pipes he slips into
Incel roommate wants a “rundown” of my date last night so he can see what he can “make improvements on”
Having a voice only call is infinitely superior to video because lying down and staring at indeterminate points throughout your room promotes a uniquely goated state of critical and creative thinking. See: Don Draper spending 8 hours a day fucked up lying down on the couch
at elite private colleges they let you take entry level seminars on adrenochrome harvesting while at state school they hold class in local service tunnels and the instructor breaks class midway through to chase you all the way down while throwing pipes, wrenches and rocks at you
Ngl big slime that interjection was tangentially related at best
Unimpeachable riff, sire. One can imagine you delivering such a masterful quip in His Majesty's court, waiting for the most delightful pause to deliver such a jest at the precise moment of utmost comedy. The spine tingles at the thought of it, sire.
the most shameful act you can catch an adult man is making a tiktok. I caught my 24 year old roommate making one in the bathroom. He had a peace sign up and was swinging his hips from side to side anime-girlishly. It was like catching the schoolmaster in the outhouse, molesting
Something my dullard roommate believes is that any pill starts to work the moment it touches your tongue, he took his vitamin D this morning (He is ridiculously deficient), washed it down and said out loud “Ahhhh… Much Better!”
Mogging my computer science lecture by showing up with my laptop, charger, LED gaming keyboard & mouse wrapped up in a red-striped bindle attached to a 7 foot pole
(You enter my outhouse, where I am draped luxuriously in expectation across a roof support beam)