Michael Learner @learner_michael

Joined November 2019

Tweets

303
Followers

70
Following

373
Likes

730

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

babies should have to wear sound proof astronaut helmets on planes

0 0 0 80 0

The Black List @theblcklst

2 years ago

Black List readers think you should read BUTTERFLI by Michael Learner blcklst.com/scripts/135063 #BlackListWeekendRead

0 2 3 3K 0

Download Image

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

The hardest part of most tasks is getting started... unless you're walking up a hill... then it only gets harder

0 0 1 81 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

When the chaser turns out to be a mixed drink… I recognize there are worse problems to have… but I’m still disgusted

0 0 4 248 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

my Uber driving is listening to the Star Wars theme song… can’t decide if it’s really annoying or if it’s the sickest thing ever

0 0 1 77 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

a combination of tuesday and thursday would be thuesday... monday and wednesday would be modnesday... just sayin...

0 0 0 72 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

I love when real life sensations find their way into my dreams: my alarm going off, having to pee, being thirsty, being stabbed repeatedly by my arch nemesis who’s traveled across the world and finally found me defenseless in bed

0 0 3 122 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

people who say "well, maybe I'm just not smart enough" are almost always just not smart enough

0 0 1 172 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

So far life has been much harder and better than I thought it would be

0 0 1 59 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

big people have deeper voices and big cars have deeper honks

0 0 0 61 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

if you are trying to read at a coffee shop and people are talking very loudly beside you, would you be more distracted if they were speaking in....

0 0 0 86 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

If a tree falls and no one sees it, did it really fall…? If you text me in a group text, did you really text me? Because I most definitely will not see it

0 0 0 60 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

the thing I always say about carrots is… wait, remind me, what is it that I always say about carrots?

1 0 0 190 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

I put 1.5 sticks of butter in my pasta. needless to say, it was too buttery and I now feel nauseous

0 0 0 41 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

at first I didn't like my haircut, but it's growing on me

0 0 2 81 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

can’t wait til we find out Chat GPT is just Tupac on a computer on an island

0 0 0 65 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

people be like “dude, you were not at that party.” and I be like “well then why is there a photo of me at the party?” and then they say, “dude, because that’s an AI generated image,” and then I smirk and say “pal, what do you think you’re talking to right now?”

0 0 1 62 0

Michael Learner @learner_michael

2 years ago

someone just mistook me for a grub hub driver, and for a moment, it felt so nice to be somebody else. I almost said yes, I am your guy. but I didn’t have any thai food. sometimes it’s as simple that, as not having any thai food…