My friend Al, was quite the pal, of mine. He made nights great, and could make a bad day, fine. He helped me calm my nerves, he helped me to unwind. Oh that Al, was such a friend of mine. I first met Al when I was like 16. Though I’d seen him many times before, at ball games and family gatherings. I loved Al right away, but to be fair most people do. Being with him was magical, like nothing I ever knew. I didn’t feel so shy, with Al near me. Believe it or not, I often was the life of the party. The times were oh so good, but before long. When I hung out with Al, things started going wrong. The time I passed out in the rugby field. Or when I stayed up all night with strangers, after seeing Family of the Year. Once I got driven home, with my hands locked behind my back. I tried so hard to pace myself, but damn did I lose track. I was so busy waiting for Al, I missed my favourite band. After the show, friends carried me home, cause I could barely stand. I tried real hard to reign it in. To limit, moderate. But without inhibitions, it can be so hard to behave. I tried to say goodbye for good, but Al’s like everywhere. Talked to the doc, and went to meetings. Momma was so scared. I tried so hard, but once I gave in, I like barely cared. About anything, or anyone, as long as Al was there. I started missing work, I started losing friends. Missed out on opportunities, burned money like incense. Al took me to some dark places, and I wished for the end. I’d lost all hope, all dignity, I’d lost my self respect. There’s so much about Al, that I have learned. He used to numb my sadness, but in the morning it always returned. I thought he raised me up, but I always came back down. I thought he fixed my troubles, but really he brought them around. I finally knew that Al just had to go. My old friend had become my biggest foe. I made the call, I got some help, I went back to step one. Slowly I crawled out of hell, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it isn’t quite a victory, the battle’s never done. The slope is just so slippery, life filled with temptation. I’ll practice all the skills I’ve learned, try hard, hope for the best. And pray that I don’t lose my way, when I’m put to the test. It’s been 2 years since I’ve seen Al, which sounds so weird to say. And though it’s getting easier, I still miss him almost every day. open.substack.com/pub/mattsea/p/… A poem about drinking and sobriety / recovery