paul blart @seanhascancer

2020 colorized

So are pan-sexual people turned on by the pan-demic? Because I'm hella horny.

When you got 10,000 steps by 7am, but you are still fat.

In school they asked me who my hero is. I always said Doug Dimmidome because one day I want to be a business mogel like him.

When I scrape the ice off my car in the morning I feel like I'm curling.

When your nephew is being a fuckin crybaby. Dudes like 4 months and was mad that I wasn't holding him. He knows he's gotta say no homo first otherwise it's gay.

When #WWIII starts, @Ninja will be the real Captain America.

I'm finna get drafted fuck ya nukes. Ima just use my super evolution, activate my trap card, and digivolve simultaneously allowing to reach my final form. Paul Blart: the avatar and the one true God.

When you and the boys start prepping for #WWIII

When you see your nephew but... Baby yoda

Was talking with my coworker about micro transactions in video games at 4am the other day. He started off by saying, "gamers are ticked about micro transactions!" This is when I learned he was Mormon and a fuckin chad. #utah

Driving into work this morning at about 3am. I see a sign, not from God but the state of Utah. "Hey teens, buckle up, yeet for real." I immediately undid my seat belt.

Didn't know there were strippers that were that inclusive...

Hey moving into a new place what kinda fortnite should I get?

Was driving and saw this ad. Good to know in Mormon country there are opportunities for handicap strippers. #GodBlessAmerica

I don't understand why the government shuts down because of infighting and disagreement between politicians. Yet they don't feel the repercussions of no gov funding. We should take away their nice TP and give them some peasant single ply if they disagree. That'll drive compromise

I did my part. If you are a student who is interested in activism, focus on something that will directly impact american culture. @peterboghossian @ConceptualJames @HPluckrose