Skyler Coburn @skycob09

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. *not affiliated with Ovaltine* La Porte, IN Joined April 2011

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

2 years ago

Random old guy at the store: “boy you’re lucky,” “why?” I ask. Guy: “The military could’ve really used you,” Me: “how so?” Guy: “I’m scared I’d hurt your feelings if I told you,” Me: “alright well thanks for stopping me.”

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

2 years ago

I am at my most impatient when I’m waiting to use the self checkout

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

3 years ago

Figuring out the perfect water pressure to set the sink so it effectively washes my hands but doesn’t splash everywhere is my latest battle in life

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

3 years ago

Timmy Turner really wasted wishes with Cosmo and Wanda. I know there were rules, but his wishes really sucked

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

3 years ago

Mel Kiper is the weatherman of the football world. Just has to guess his predictions, gets it wrong most of the time, and still keeps his job

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

4 years ago

Still waiting for the day shopping carts have little cushiony bumpers installed on the bottom for those of us accident prone people who whack our shins at least twice per grocery trip

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

4 years ago

I got brownie points for plugging her laptop in when I saw it was sitting on the counter about to die. 1st world chivalry

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

4 years ago

Having a bloody nose in the shower is just ridiculous. Sitting in an imitation Hitchcock movie scene just waiting for the well to run dry

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

4 years ago

Well this is the last time I listen to a murder podcast at the gym. It’s kind of hard to get that last rep in when you’re trying to figure out why the victim’s phone was by the river and her wallet was at a Starbucks

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

4 years ago

Someday I’m going to poke a straw through a caprisun then squeeze it all into a cup and drink the juice from a cup. Just because I like to cause drama

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Demetri Martin ([email protected]) @DemetriMartin

4 years ago

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

5 years ago

I’m so lazy that if google doesn’t autocomplete my search, I give up

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

5 years ago

Last year I was a loser for spending New Year’s Eve alone in my apartment. This year....I’m a hero

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

5 years ago

The radio at work was playing an ad about voting. It went, “if you mailed in your ballot and are suspicious it won’t be counted just contact...........” then silence.......for a while. Then back to regular music 😳

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

5 years ago

Today I heard Colin Quinn say our country is like a 50-state couple’s counseling session who are thinking about getting a divorce, and I felt it was share-worthy

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

5 years ago

All these years later, and I still don’t get how Tarzan was able to perfectly mimic sounds like gun shots and people’s voices. He lived among apes. They can’t do that

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

6 years ago

People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

6 years ago

I killed a large spider on my balcony today. Then when I went out the front door there was an identical one on the sidewalk staring at me with malicious intent. So I may end up in a web soon

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

6 years ago

Well king bran is the first king who takes his throne everywhere with him

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Skyler Coburn @skycob09

7 years ago

My neighbors have a tiny Hedwig sculpture in their yard so I walked by as they were on the porch and said to them, “Hedwig......nice.” And thus my journey to make friends in a new city continues