Anastasiya @stasplotnikova
Manhattan, NY Joined June 2010-
Tweets5K
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Followers171
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Following92
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Likes2K
Y’all gotta watch this lmao
This is how I mine my own business
1st date Virgo: So what are you? I'm a sexy spreadsheet. Sagittarius: A red flag.
Me: we don’t have that Customer: can you check in the back Me: sure Me in the back room:
Me walking past the people I just passed cause I went the wrong way
Me walking past the people I just passed cause I went the wrong way
friend: guess what me: what? friend: no guess me:
COMING OUT OF MY CAGE AND I’VE BEEN DOING JUST ᵇᵃᵈ
Her: come over Me: I’m busy Her: my parents aren’t home ;) Me: I know Her: What Me: I’m hanging with your parents Her: What Me: Craig says fuck u lmao
Me during sex: hurt me Him: you’ve gained a lot of weight since high school and your personality doesn’t make up for it Me: wait- Him: your tweets aren’t funny and you’re so creatively burnt out you’re forced to use meme templates for content Me: p l s s t o p
Coming across this clip has been the highlight of my week.
Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana, whispering at 3am in the morning: i'm r i p e Banana at 8am that morning: HAHAHA I'M ROTTEN BOOOOOOOOY, WELCOME TO BROWN TOWN.
1st date Cancer: Text me when you get home so I know you're safe :) Sagittarius: How do I text 911
being called cute is nice but sometimes i wanna be called something more genuine like crackhead or a dumb bitch
U let your friend get a nacho from your plate and they grab the Master Nacho u had been saving for the finale
Sew one button, doesn't make u a tailor; cook one meal, doesn't make u a chef; but f* one horse and u r a horsef*er for all of history...
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