ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

Pushing through to the present (and trying not to fart in public) thoughtsfromparis.com Chicago, IL Joined March 2009

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

2 years ago

Shouldn't Barbie be less concerned with toppling the patriarchy and go back to what they do best - showing little girls that the ideal woman has a size -4 waist, double d boobs and perfect blonde hair?

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

2 years ago

My nephew playing the arcade I put together with a name that suggests I'm the band's biggest fan. Truth is I hardly know their music. I just love puns. #ARCADEfire

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

3 years ago

If the Tampa police chief can't flash a badge to get out a a ticket, I feel like there's no hope for me to talk my way out of one.

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

3 years ago

Since I believe I know everything, here's how to fix Twitter. No more anonymity. Yes, this will hurt people who need anonymity. There are no perfect solutions. Like everything else in life.

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

3 years ago

If I started a Facebook Group called "Guys In Their Mid-40s Who Are Still Naturally Blonde" it would be just me and five dudes from Sweden. #pleaseignorethesunburn

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

3 years ago

Left my conference and drove two miles to see my amazing sister Dana (at a different conference) talk about branding for @CanidaePetFood (life highlight to see her speak)

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

Cooked #broccoflower and pretty sure this came from another planet. I was hoping there was an alien inside. (there wasn't 😥)

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

My holiday card for 2021. I get silly. #holidaycards #holidaycard

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

Shoveling with a broom in sandals minus a jacket should be rewarded, not made fun of by a girlfriend who is laughing from inside taking photos.

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

The weirdest thing about @alyankovic is that he's in the OFFICIAL video for George Harrison's My Sweet Lord. My two favorite things together. youtube.com/watch?v=04v-Sd…

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

When I asked my sister why she doesn't get the flu shot she replied, "I look at it as an opportunity to lose 15 lbs."

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

I bought full-sized candy bars for kids in my building because I want them think, "A cool guy lives there."

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

When HBOMax was down last night I was staring at their logo and I realized that it's called HBOMax because they own Cinemax. I felt like a smart person! #MareOfEasttown

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

4 years ago

Since I just got my second Pfizer dose at @Costco, I decided to celebrate Costco-style (by eating until I pass out). #meatsweats

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

5 years ago

I never considered grad school UNTIL NOW. #IUsedToBeMadAtMySchool bbc.com/news/uk-englan…

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

5 years ago

Pre-move floor picnic with this beautiful woman. It went so well I'm thinking about asking her to go steady.

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

5 years ago

Excited to move in to a place that my incredible girlfriend and I selected and designed. It's also terrifying, but most worthwhile things are.

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ThoughtsFromParis @tfpHumorBlog

5 years ago

The brilliant minds at @BystanderTweets have a calendar for sale, and it's every bit as great as the cover would lead you to believe. BUY IT NOW. americanbystander.org/store3/bystand…