timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

Word salad prepared for the Lord of Hosts. Parody. Proverbs 26:18-19. Joined October 2018

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

4 years ago

If you’re still bitter about something someone did to you, you’re a know it all piece of sin-shit. Only by not drawing any boundaries whatsoever can we understand what pieces of shit we all are. Praise Vader.

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

4 years ago

Smelling a little too much praise in the church bathroom today. Need to remind the staff to check the air fresheners.

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

4 years ago

I’m back to tell you the Bible and Christianity is totally consistent in its teachings on sexuality and marriage!

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

In the next three decades, over half a billion people will move to cities in Africa and Asia—Are there enough churches there like mine to gaslight all those people and have them worship white Jesus?

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

I’ve enjoyed telling you that approximately half of you are going to hell for a whole year. Praise Vader. #MyTwitterAnniversary

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

I must correct my brother in Christ Pat Robertson: Trump does not have “the Mandate of Heaven” because that term is reserved for what Jerry Falwell Jr calls his pool boy flings.

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

The single best way to reach non-Christians is to gaslight them with promises of unconditional acceptance but when the shit hits the fan they learn it comes with STRINGS ATTACHED

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

The greatest nightmare of the god addict is staring into the gaping maw of an indifferent universe; the white supremacy addict is any notion of equality or an honest read of history; the Force addict being force pushed into a Sarlacc pit

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Good morning twitter, it is the utmost pleasure to gaslight you today and make you second guess your every motive because grumble grumble youdontprayenough

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

The gawrsh-spel: I am so flawed that Goofy had to die for me, yet Goofy was glad to because he’s such a good natured klutz.

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Beep bop zorp!

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Vapid Twitter fauxfundity: If you want God’s [concept], all you [Word A as verb] is [Word A as noun], all you [Word A as verb] is nothing. Congratulations, you’re a theologian now - here’s your book deal.

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

The inclusive exclusiveness of the hate-love of God is a friend-enemy to the world's sense of certainty with which Vader Jesus carries you in unshakeable shakiness

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Put all your eggs in one basket: the Jesus basket. Just remember: most of you are probably going to hell. In a hand basket. The Jesus hand basket. God I love Calvinism

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Don't ask God to co-exist in your heart with idols. God hates roommates almost as much as he hates you unless you dig how sweet it was that he killed his own son. God needs the extra room in your heart for his vintage CCM collection, even if it would save you money to rent it out

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timkellerproverbs @timkellerisdeep

6 years ago

Truth without Grace and grace without truth is a truthless grace and graceless truth for truthiness to abide in gracefullnitude and the majesty of our unhappy marriages, we shall put Jesus at the center because his hate-love demanded it.