Attempted Murmur @AttemptedMurmur
Jokes. Joined March 2015-
Tweets431
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Followers38
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Following124
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Likes437
I like watching PayPerView channels. Views of A4 are my favourite. #1Pun
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When I started a GPs, I had to tell the other Doctor to calm down and wait when we had no work. Just no patience. #1Pun
Just didn't know which side I was supporting when the dutch footballer took on the stunt man. Was a real Ruud Vs Evil battle. #1PUN
My tie keeps flopping over my keyboard and making me misspell words. Bad tiepin. #1PUN
I knocked over loads of tins of paint in a hardware store while I was on holiday. I was in the aisle of white. #1Pun
How can you explain corporate social responsibility to a reality TV star? The only way is Ethics. #1Pun
I developed a new satnav particularly for delivery men and it's really opened new courier paths. #1PUN
It's not essential to know the German for mobile, but it's Handy. #1Pun
I had to order some flowers from a shop in Nottingham for a local football club. "Nottingham florist?" No, Notts County. #1Pun
*hiding from murderer* MURDERER: Washing machines live longer with... ME:..... ...... ...... ...... CALGON! *finds me*
"Where you going on holiday?" Seychelles. "Shells." ...... "So... where you going on holiday?"
I saw Obama on my way to work a few mornings, but then he became leader of the US and I never saw him again. Wasn't a precedent. #1Pun
There was an annoying noise from the crowd as the judge gave his sentence on a criminal court case. It was man's laughter. #1Pun
Apparently the author of The BFG had just one Disney DVD, but owned many properties. One hundred and one Dahl mansions. #1Pun
One ex-girlfriend of mine gave me amazing oral before breaking up with me and sending me into depression. That was a big blow. #1Pun
I like my women like I like my butter. In bread.
If you're looking for a band to join your Sunday league team defence, may I suggest Oasis. Against free kicks, they make a wonder wall #1Pun
Some charity lady told me I had a nice oily glow in the sunshine today. I said, "you're very kind but stop buttering me up." #1Pun
Sam Allardyce has a job with HMRC lined up. He's already booked meetings with Google and Starbucks to pass on some 'advice.'
I tried to flee south from Egypt but got held at the border by a guard with a gun: "Don't make any Sudan movements." #1Pun
Gemma Taylor @GemLouTaylor
2 Followers 12 Following
Wendy Flanagan @wendylilyrose
191 Followers 448 Following giving reassuring, wise and hilarious pep talks since 1993.
pupa joroza oc @JorozaOc
23 Followers 295 Following
gary monks @busmanbish
69 Followers 347 Following
benjaminfrank simons @Franksimons97
534 Followers 3K Following RN by day . standup comic by night. Bjj Blue Belt. Urban Farmer.
Swan inn islip @Theswaninnislip
303 Followers 2K Following Food Entertainment we are open every Friday and Saturday serving Indian cuisine events sandwiches platters tea party
Info At Cicret @AtCicret
12 Followers 414 Following
NorthernLine @NrthrnLine
383 Followers 191 Following Puns, mainly. Recent jokes ➡️ https://t.co/t3z04ADuiG
Michael Wiott @MichaelWiott
2 Followers 87 Following
Rupinder Singh @Rupinder1235678
19 Followers 77 Following
Arndale Psycho @ArndalePsycho
264 Followers 2K Following Pigeon fingerer, CHAV killer and cheap shit clothing and food licker.
Hello 👋 @SaradiOxford
9 Followers 13 Following
Judge Jacqui @JudgeJacquiPuns
38 Followers 134 Following
Neil Wellington @wildwellie
350 Followers 484 Following Fun loving male, loves quizzes, football, beer and has a varied music taste, but loves Northern Soul. Part Nerd will talk about anything.
FLY HIGHER @_flyinghigher
426 Followers 3K Following ~ Fly Higher, Dream Bigger ~ Fuck Off Reality, Live Your Dreams
Paris Lou @pariskaylou
751 Followers 4K Following Suomen Princess, amateur photographer, artist, actress, & animal lover, 16/f, 150cm, 49kgs
Fitness Tips @fitnestipss
2K Followers 4K Following Daily tips on health, nutrition, fitness, dieting and more. Helping you build a better you!
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.2M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Harry Haller @wolf_haller
263 Followers 413 Following Jokes and a bit of politics. سلام #DontBuyTheSun #DontBuyTheMail
JIM CORBRIDGE @jimcorbridge
261 Followers 313 Following I Would take Fish Capsules,But I've Yet To See A Fish That Looks Any Healthier Than Me.
Loudwords @TheMCSpeaks
745 Followers 961 Following Follow me and I will lead you to a ginger promise land. You will need your own bus fare and there will be no sun due to my delicate skin but what the heck.
SpongeBarks @SpongeBarks
267 Followers 315 Following ln no particular order - Roy Race, Kevin Hector, Alf Tupper, Caitlin Clark, Dominic Cork.
Best Jokes Ever @BestJokesEverUK
23K Followers 20K Following Follow us to be the first to hear the best jokes ever!!! #folloback #follobackforfolloback #follobackinstantly
Mark Littlejohn @MaarkLittlejohn
32 Followers 156 Following
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪ... @sofarrsogud
22K Followers 6K Following 🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts. MUFC
Davinder sailkiana @1f3c1f7c01ac4ba
168 Followers 436 Following
Mr J in the UK @mrjintheuk
36K Followers 26K Following Time to be a twit on twitter. I think I can achieve a fairly high level of competence in that...
Dave K @PunLovinLad
3K Followers 2K Following Writer for web, theatre and radio https://t.co/jYN0vTvlg5
Puncroaker @Puncroaker
5K Followers 587 Following I prefer not to put my preferred pronouns here. They're personal. wtf/lol
Bobby Bowlinsock @BobbyBowlinsock
396 Followers 1K Following I once called myself a comedian. The room erupted with laughter. They love my work.
Alf - currently writi... @whoelsebutalf
15K Followers 13K Following You'll be glad to know, I won't be posting any jokes in future about Protein Powder, Yoghurt or my Tax return. Not in any Whey, Shape or form.
NorthernLine @NrthrnLine
383 Followers 191 Following Puns, mainly. Recent jokes ➡️ https://t.co/t3z04ADuiG
Jim Corbridge @MrBonMot
11K Followers 9K Following The bard of bile, The laureate of loathing, The sultan of sarcasm, The boss of Bonkers, The proud patron saint of pub logic.
post nasal droll @alldrolledup
6K Followers 4K Following outbound personality • return flight hair • #blm
Judge Jacqui @JudgeJacquiPuns
38 Followers 134 Following
sloane @sloane245
208 Followers 2K Following
Finish this Joke ⤵�... @HowlerCo
2K Followers 3 Following Welcome to our joke workshop 🤡 Take a seat or standup.
Neil Wellington @wildwellie
350 Followers 484 Following Fun loving male, loves quizzes, football, beer and has a varied music taste, but loves Northern Soul. Part Nerd will talk about anything.
Ali Spagnola @alispagnola
2.2M Followers 1.3M Following Music. Comedy. Fitness. Outrageous!.... I explain in the video here→https://t.co/ieA94HDzQu
Harry Haller @wolf_haller
263 Followers 413 Following Jokes and a bit of politics. سلام #DontBuyTheSun #DontBuyTheMail
Simon Spooner @Nuncio2
557 Followers 623 Following Puns and cycling. But mostly puns. #LEL and #PBP ancien.
JIM CORBRIDGE @jimcorbridge
261 Followers 313 Following I Would take Fish Capsules,But I've Yet To See A Fish That Looks Any Healthier Than Me.
Loudwords @TheMCSpeaks
745 Followers 961 Following Follow me and I will lead you to a ginger promise land. You will need your own bus fare and there will be no sun due to my delicate skin but what the heck.
Josh @iwearaonesie
32K Followers 6K Following ex-husband, dad, sometimes unappropriate https://t.co/eMSE7mxRnb%…
SpongeBarks @SpongeBarks
267 Followers 315 Following ln no particular order - Roy Race, Kevin Hector, Alf Tupper, Caitlin Clark, Dominic Cork.
Best Jokes Ever @BestJokesEverUK
23K Followers 20K Following Follow us to be the first to hear the best jokes ever!!! #folloback #follobackforfolloback #follobackinstantly
Clark Springheel @ClarkSpringheel
3K Followers 50 Following 🎵Singing songs and drinking wine while your eyes play games with mine🎵
Mark Littlejohn @MaarkLittlejohn
32 Followers 156 Following
Neil @_Enanem_
14K Followers 501 Following Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good double, double good.
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪ... @sofarrsogud
22K Followers 6K Following 🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts. MUFC
NeilallB4Me @CBarronie
2K Followers 1K Following Microbiologist, Researcher, former Regulatory Affairs Officer Reports for ADR/E's & Novel Drugs to MHRA/EMA Won't accept 1sided science. For my Son's future.
kate @8twinge
537 Followers 217 Following Would like to write a book, and keep my teeth and hair (which I'd prefer curly) (just the hair not the teeth - curly teeth would be silly).
Tim Key @timkeyperson
117K Followers 504 Following https://t.co/l0Froz8WYB BALLAD OF WALLIS ISLAND in cinemas NOW 🏝️
Sunday Punday @Sunday_Punday
98 Followers 44 Following Punny shirts for your Sunday Funday #sundaypunday ☀️
rob delaney @robdelaney
1.4M Followers 1 Following You can get my book, A Heart That Works, at the link below.
Julian @JulianFromTwit
41K Followers 151 Following Tips, quotes, dos, don'ts, and all around motivation. DM if you're interested in shoutouts or guest blogging [email protected]
Mr J in the UK @mrjintheuk
36K Followers 26K Following Time to be a twit on twitter. I think I can achieve a fairly high level of competence in that...
Kay Jay @Uncle_Kristian
197 Followers 380 Following Guinness drinking, pasty eating, Harley riding, MMA fanatic, proud husband & doting daddy to 2 beautiful girls.
ifihadahifi @drofidnas
961 Followers 649 Following Tall, dark, grumpy clown. I write metaphors as well as a horse on a trampoline making a soufflé.
Dave K @PunLovinLad
3K Followers 2K Following Writer for web, theatre and radio https://t.co/jYN0vTvlg5
Brendan Murphy @notmurphy
3K Followers 584 Following Actor & Writer | 🦇 @BuffyRevamped | ☕️ FRIEND (The @OneWithGunther) | 🧙🏻♂️ @PottedPotter | 🎙 Producer Martin https://t.co/V07dAXHmux
keith @tchrquotes
5K Followers 565 Following If you prefer your brownies cake like rather than fudge like I will fight you.
Grover @XGroverX
6K Followers 3K Following I don't know why smokey the bear carries a shovel, but it scares the shit out of me.
Daniel Edison @DanEdisonComedy
12K Followers 7K Following One-liner comedian / writer of nonsense. I post original jokes. Jack of all trades, master of pun.
Kyle on Twidder @houffy
594 Followers 265 Following i miss the days when it was okay to wear cargo pants
Old Pat_Bren @Old_Pat_Bren
2K Followers 144 Following @Pat_Bren's older, funnier, better account. This remains as a monument to man's hubris/the future Pat_Bren museum.Trends for United States
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